Why don’t women wear dresses when it’s cold out?…… So they don’t get chapped lips.

What do a near-sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?…… A wet nose.

You’ve got to hand it to blind prostitutes…

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?…… She gagged.

What does a hooker and bungee jump have in common?…… They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks your dead!

What’s the difference between a trunk full of dead babies and a trunk full of bowling balls?…… You can’t unload the trunk full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

What’s the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?…… I’ve never paid $20 to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

Why is a blonde like a turtle?…… Once she’s on her back she’s fucked.

What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?…… Full.

I got a job at the zoo as an elephant circumcisor. The pay isn’t great but the tips are huge.

What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?…… You can’t hear an enzyme.

How do you define trust?…… Two cannibals in a 69.

What’s the difference between a circus and a whore house?…… One is a cunning array of stunts.

Why are blondes and tornados alike?…… At first, there’s a lot of suckin and blowin and then your house is gone.

What does a 9v battery and your girlfriend’s ass have in common?…… You know you shouldn’t, but sooner or later you’re going to put your tongue on it.

How many babies does it take to paint a room?…… Depends on how hard you throw them.

What did the leper say to the prostitute?…… Keep the Tip!

What do uncles and tacos have in common?…… The bad ones hurt your asshole.

A kid comes home from school very upset. His dad says, “what’s wrong?” The kid says “we had a spelling bee today and I was out the very first round.” The dad asks, “what word did you have to spell?” The kid says “POSSE”. The dad says “No wonder you couldn’t spell it, you can’t even pronounce it.”

What’s the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a hooker with diarrhea?…… An epileptic oyster shucker shucks between fits.

Mickey was getting a divorce. The Judge says “Mr. Mouse, insanity is not grounds for divorce in the state of Florida.” Mickey replies “Your Honor, I didn’t say she was insane. I said she’s fucking Goofy!”

Why is being in the mob like eating pussy?…… One slip of the tongue and you’re in deep shit.

Why can’t Barbie get pregnant?……. Because Ken always cums in another box.

I went to the doctor last week for a physical and he told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked him why and he said “because I’m trying to give you a physical.”

What did one tampon say to the other tampon?…… Nothing. They’re both stuck-up cunts.

Why don’t witches wear underwear?…… They need something to grip the broom.

Do you know why everyone was angry at the emo kid at the movies?…… He was cutting in line.

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?…… A family photo.