If the service you're receiving is free, then you are the product.

When arc welding, you must protect all your skin from the light, not just your eyes. The light is the real danger, not the heat. Welding unprotected is like putting your face right in front of a tanning bed of steroids.

When the cops tell you you have the right to remain silent, USE THAT RIGHT.

Don't try and guess the letters on the eye test chart.The whole point of the exam is for us to give you the best vision possible, surprisingly enough that relies on us knowing what you can't see.

Dogs understand Always and Never. If you have a rule that they can't beg for table scraps, get on the couch or jump on people but you let them do it occasionally, they will never understand why you correct or yell at them. Also, if you hire a dog trainer please remember that about 80% of the training is directed toward the owner and 20% toward the dog. We just tend to say it in a way so as not to offend you. Some people just cannot fathom that THEY need the training and that dogs will simply follow suit.

As 911 I still do not have your exact location unless you call me from a landline. I have a general area but when I ask you to verify an address just do it. It helps us get to you quicker.I cannot get an ambulance to you in 2 minutes. Surprisingly there are other people with emergencies as well.I can not give you medical advice when you call 911. I can help you with certain things like CPR and EPI pen usage but not much else.You cussing at me and calling me stupid because you’re speaking too fast for me to hear your address is not helping.I cannot tell my crews to go in without lights and sirens. You called 911 they’re most likely comin in hot.

Turning it off and on again actually does fix a great deal of problems.

There is absolutely no aspect of shoeing a horse that hurts it. We’ve been shoeing horses for around 2000 years now and providing I do everything correctly (which is why we have a 4 year apprenticeship in Britain) our dear quadrupeds won’t feel a thing.

Museum security. No I don’t have a gun, I’m here to tell you where the bathrooms are not take a bullet for the monet. No, no one tries to steal the artwork I have to be here because you absolutely will try to touch that million dollar painting with your greasy hands.

Oceanographer here. Climate change is a thing, and we are causing it. We can see the effects. I have literally gone to coral reefs that have bleached and the reason is because the ocean has become more acidic. We did that.

Historian: "Truth" is always relative, dependent of the perspective of the truth-teller and always constructed in some capacity. Every source must be subject to critical assessment.

Anesthesiology: if you eat before your surgery, the chances of you dying or getting badly hurt increase exponentially. Anesthesia makes you more likely to vomit and since you're unconscious you can't prevent your acidic throw up from going into your lungs.

ART IS HARD AND TAKES TIME

No, I can't diagnose you or tell whether you have naughty thoughts by looking at your brain scan. Also, if you were only using 10% of your brain, you'd be pretty much dead.

Work at a credit union:I'm not asking for your ID to personally offend you or imply that I have authority over you. I'm asking for it because *I will get fired if I don't*.

I'm in forestry: more trees does not make a healthier forest. Healthy, well spaced trees with inconsistencies make a healthy forest. Yes, it's necessary to remove trees to improve the quality of habitat and lower risk of wildfire. No, we are not all money hungry tree murderers.

A good bakery will have fresh products every day. If you come in the late afternoon, they will probably be sold out of many of your favorites. Also, if you come early and buy all of the chocolate chip cookies no one else will get any that day. The remedy to both of these problems is ordering in advance.

The horrific amount of plastic we go through in science. Also not all research is about curing cancer or other diseases (which contributes regularly to my existential crisis but I digress)

Radiographer. People get x-rayed in order of need. Just because you were first in line with your broken pinky doesn't mean that you get served before the skull fracture

I work at the front desk of a hotel. I don't understand why people get mad a room is not ready at 8am when we were sold out the previous night! I constantly have to explain that check out time is at 11, and that check in time is at 4!! I cannot kick a guest out of a room that they are entitled to for the next 3 hours!

It is not a teacher's job to potty train your child. You need to work on that at home before they're ready to start school. Some classes have 30+ kids, we just can't take the time to work on things like that with your kid when there's 29 other kids who also need attention.

Lawyer. The biggest issue I see with the general public, and within my client company, is that just because you're mad, doesn't mean you're right. More specifically, just because you're mad, doesn't mean you have a legal basis to take action. Telling me your feelings about fairness, inequality, etc. isn't the same thing as actually stating a claim.

Safari Guide - dangerous animals can literally be anywhere, including right next to the vehicle and you may not be able to see them. Don't think that you can walk around unsupervised because you can honestly be attacked if you don't know what to do.

If you leave any door open or don't clean you will eventually get pests. I regularly go to factories that have every garage door open and they wonder why they have mice. I also go to bars that have inches of syrupy goodness underneath all the appliances and they can't understand why they keep getting fruit flies. Exclusion and sanitation is the main form of pest control.

The strength of alcohol when measured Alcohol by Volume (ABV %).You switched from a 4% beer to a 5% beer?"It's only 1% increase, *right*?"**Wrong.**4% -> 5% = a 25% increase in strength. You're getting 25% more drunk.

Call center employees really do not have the option to transfer you to the President/Owner/CEO of the company, no matter how hard you complain. You're lucky if you even manage to get transferred out of the room they are in.

Never write an email you don’t want read back to you in a deposition.Never say anything bad in writing. I’m a lawyer who does primarily white collar and commercial/securities litigation.Even if your email is not relevant or admitting wrongdoing, someone somewhere is eventually going to read it. For example, the other day I read 5 Valentine’s Day emails from the same guy to 5 different coworkers... c’mon man.

Graphic Designer here: We need a **vector** version of your logo, or at the very least a **large** image of it. No, we can't "blow up" that tiny pixalated one you use in your email.

I am a grave digger. No, I don't dig the grave with a shovel.

When you take out a loan to purchase something, then you return it, sell it, cancel it, or whatever.... You kinda still need to pay off your loan. It doesn't go away when what you bought with it does.