Had a pet rat out roaming with me while I made some toast. cleaned up, put the rat in the fridge and didn't realise until I put the butter in the cage that *oh s**t* Went to reclaim the rat, she was all "F**k off, the food box is MINE now". Already gotten into the ham.

Someone knocked on the bathroom stall door to check if it was available. I said come in.

Pulled into my complex, walked up the stairs, my keys wouldn't open the door and then I realized it had been seven years since I had lived there.

Cleaning up my face with electric clippers. Thought, "Oh, missed a spot." and proceeded to shave off my f*****g eyebrow.

I cared for a horse for several years. First thing in the morning I would go put feed and water in the field, lead her out, and close the fence behind her. One morning as I'm walking back into my house, I hear a weird sound behind me. The sound of hooves on linoleum. She looked as surprised as I was that I had brought her into my kitchen. Luckily, she never told anyone so my secret is still safe.

I tried to put a pacifier in my mother's mouth as opposed to infant she was holding. The best part is that she was nagging the hell out of me.

Was at my fiances house for dinner. Had to leave early. Was in a rush. Kissed her dad on the way out.

Loaded up my toothbrush with toothpaste and proceeded to brush my hair with it instead of my teeth

Spent ages cooking dinner only to pick the plate up and empty it straight into the bin. I was so tired and hungry, I cried

Someone knocked at my door and i knocked back...

I ordered a meatlong football from subway. I then got upset when the dude had no idea what I wanted. Then we both laughed.

Had been playing a lot of skyrim recently and was walking to the bus stop and saw a patch of clover. Started towards it and thought to myself....i should harvest those, i could use some potion ingredients. Immediately thought to myself, wtf brain, w'ere outside.

Meeting my brother's in-laws for the first time. They asked me what my name was. I said "Pete". My name is Tiffani.

I sleepwalk once in a while. Recently I got up at 2am and fed the dog. My girlfriend woke up and was like "wtf, did you just feed the dog? What time is it?" Apparently I looked her in the eye and said "everyone loves a midnight snack."

I drove a city bus in college. My route and my commute home had a road that overlapped. Driving home from work one night I ended up doing my bus route instead of my commute home and didn't realize it until I ended up in the bus terminal at the end of the line. I guess it was better than driving into my apartment complex with the city bus.

Accidentally put my phone in the toaster. Figured it out when I noticed that I was tapping on a piece of bread.

Poured orange juice instead of milk into my cereal, put the bowl of cereal into the fridge, walked back to the table with nothing wondering where the f**k I put my cereal.

grabbing my keys, phone, wallet, etc. before work. why is there a tv remote in my car? the etc. included the tv remote

I used to work at the airport while in college, and one day I went to get groceries and drove 30 mins to the airport instead.

Put toothpaste on my razor and almost went to town on my mouth.

When my daughter was first born I would find myself burping the dog

I used to work in a call center and would answer my personal phone with my call center speech.

Put my phone in the fridge to "charge"

When I was little I had 2 bird pets. One day I was holding one with my right hand and playing with the bird. Some time later I got myself a lollipop and was licking on it. Eventually I had been holding both of them at the same time. Now guess what I licked.

I have poured my dog a bowl of cereal instead of giving her food multiple times.

probably the time I cracked 3 eggs into the sink. one after another.

Raising my hand to voice my opinion while in a conversation not at school.

Lose my phone in my hand while in the middle of a call.

Instead of ground coffee, I put a couple scoops of sugar in my coffee filter and brewed it.

I woke up one morning in college, got dressed, left my room and got halfway out of the dorm before I realized I had no pants on.

Woke up three hours early for some reason and didn't check the clock but thought I was running late. Rushed through getting ready for work and hit the road. Think it's a bit darker then usual but it could just be grey clouds before the rain. Roads are bit emptier then I'm expecting, must be lucky today. Finally pull up to work and start opening up the shop before anyone else gets in. Look over at the clock and realize I still have two hours to go before I even wake up. Almost went home but decided to stay and just take off three hours earlier than normal.

I grabbed my "lunch" on my way out the door for work in the morning. I kept wondering what that beeping noise was the whole drive there. Couldn't figure it out. Got to work and grabbed my lunch, only to realize I had actually grabbed the baby monitor.

I kissed a teacher on the cheek, she told someone "I can't hear you" while tapping her fingers on her cheek and I thought she wanted a kiss...

Put the dinner on and realised I had no carrots. Decided to drive to the shop to get carrots - ended up driving to work. Burnt the s**t out of all the pots and had to buy new ones :(