We’ve got robots doing our therapy, grown adults filming themselves crying for likes, and people paying $6 for coffee with oat milk. Our work meetings happen in pajamas. Our relationships happen in DMs. And our attention spans? Absolutely wrecked. We scroll past a tragedy, a thirst trap, and a conspiracy theory in under 10 seconds. The world’s on fire, but at least we’re tracking our steps.

This isn’t “progress”, it’s a high-speed descent into absurdity, and you know Grandma would’ve smacked the phone right out of your hand. So, let’s get into it. These are the facts of modern life that would make our grandparents clutch their pearls, roll their eyes, and ask one very important question: “You call this living?”