When it comes to getting a point across, some prefer not to mince words, but rather toss them in a mud bath with the rest of their sex toys and a few tapeworms. Enter these extremely profane statements, ones so lewd and vulgar that they've been etched into the memories of several still-shocked Redditors.
From likening vaginas to dog mouths to the specific details of a hobby horse's genitalia, here, 20 people share the most vulgar thing they've ever heard.
1
“Picture an upper middle-aged man with a big beer gut, patting his belly and saying to me (at the time a young woman), ‘I’m gonna have a baby elephant. Wanna see its trunk?’ And this was at a Christian function.”
2
“I heard a woman say, ‘you gotta be fist fucking me right now.’ In a professional setting.”
3
“I used to work as a bill collector. I was talking to a guy one afternoon and he told me ‘you take that bill and shove it right down your cum guzzling throat.’ Stopped me dead in my tracks, and after a brief pause I just started laughing. Then he started laughing. Says to me ‘that was a good one wasn’t it?’ and I respond ‘yeah, it really was.’ Then he hung up on me.”
4
“‘She couldn't sell pussy on a troop train.’”
5
“‘Dirtier than fingering your sister and finding your dads wedding ring.’”
6
“I worked with a Scottish girl who had some really good ones. My favourite was how she would describe being horny as ‘frothing at the gash.’”
7
“I used to work with a hilarious old waitress that had a foul mouth. She once kicked open the door to the staff room and announced she’d just lost 5 pounds. Another staff took the bait and asked if she’d just taken a fat shit to which she replied ‘nah man I just trimmed my bush.’”
8
“Overheard a couple going at it in a car outside a pub and the young woman said, and I quote,’I’m in the blood but you can have a go at me shitter.’”
9
“’I’d use his unborn children as salad dressing.’”
10
“‘The food she cooked us was so bad I shit out a suicide note from my tapeworm.’”
11
“‘My favorite fast food is KFC because I eat it then I jack off with the grease on my hands which gives me these little pimples all over my dick that I can pop the next day and still taste the chicken.’ heard in a Counter Strike: Source lobby about 15 years ago and it still haunts me”
12
“‘Tell me who is your gynecologist so I can suck his fingers.’ A random guy to a lady walking by in a park.”
13
“‘Her pussy looked like a bulldogs mouth full of mayonaise.’”
14
“My sister was worried that her tattoo artist was judging her tattoo and the artist said ‘listen, I'd tattoo Jesus skull fucking a baby on your face I don't care.’”
15
“I’m a bartender, and every day when I come into work, the dishwasher says to me ‘I wanna eat your shitter like an apple fritter.’”
16
“Whenever someone would point out something obvious my grandfather used to say ‘does a hobby horse have a hickory dick’ instead of ‘no shit.’”
17
“‘That cunt’s teeth are so crooked up she could bite a curly whirly and miss the chocolate.’”
18
“’If she had as many sticking out of her as she has had stuck in her, she would look like a porcupine.’”
19
“‘Your mouth is so wide, you can eat a banana sideways.’ Heard a kid say that to another kid at the fair.”
20
“Best part of you dried up on your mamas sheets.”
