Many of you remember the
"Satanic Panic" from decades ago. Insanely enough, it seems to be making a comeback!
The smoothest brains can't stop calling the stupidest things "Satanic." Don't believe it? Keep reading to discover these devilishly dumb stories!
1
My mom was terrified I'd accidentally summon a demon playing Yugioh-u/MindlessPut7675
2
A microscope. An acquaintance of mine called a microscope a “gift from the devil” because it makes people question the divine plan-u/ArbutusPhD
3
“Masters of the Universe”. It was back in the 80’s. My crazy, over-the-top, religious aunt said,” it’s satanic! There is only ONE master of the universe and it’s god!!!” 6 yo me rolled my eyes so hard, I’m sure you could hear the noise it made.-u/Regular_Sample_5197
4
Rocks. I’m a rock hound and collect rocks, gems, and stones. The link between crystals and spirituality has gotten me called a devil worshipper…for liking rocks. I don’t even use them spiritually, I just like shiny sh*t.-u/VermicelliNo2422
5
Coca Cola because the red supposedly represented the devil-u/GEDlesson
6
A friend's wife once got into some religious thing where anything of beauty was satanic. Flowers, scenery, anything beautiful. Satan was luring you with its beauty.-u/gitarzan
7
My dad wouldn't let me watch anything that had magic or monsters because he thought it would let demons into the house…The most ridiculous one was not letting me watch Jessie on the Disney Channel. This had no magic or monsters but he thought that the pet lizard one of the characters had represented the snake that deceived Eve into eating the apple.-u/tobi310500
8
So many things, but this one’s my favorite. Ready? Paleontologists. The idea is that the dinosaurs never actually existed and paleontologists just plant the fossils and bones to steer people away from “The Truth”. Clearly the work of the devil! Eek!-u/Ambitious_Potato91
9
Once I had a classmate and she had a cartilage piercing, We had an assembly, and this group of people people with puppets came and told the story of Easter; at the end, we were walking out and one of the people from the group walked over to my classmate and said: "what is that thing on your ear?" She said it's a cartilage piercing and the person from the group walked over to where the group was packing their stuff and said "She has definitely got to have worshipped the devil. That disgusting ear-piercing she's got."-u/Yogurt2022
10
Decorative owls (owl-themed home decor).-u/NotGonna_Lie2U
11
I knew this Christian lady that refused to eat deviled eggs.-u/whateva_iGuess
12
Back in the 90's, my family had a home pc. We didn't have much so this computer was a big deal to my brothers and me. For school work and some good ole fashioned DOS games. My dad managed to figure out how to get a screen saver with sound onto the computer and was quite proud of himself too. He failed to mention this screensaver to my mother who is VERY religious.So one day I am sitting in high school and got called to the principal's office mid 2nd period. Now I am a darn near straight-A student, who didn't get in trouble ever. So this isn't something that has ever happened to me. I get to the office, and I was told my mother called and was very very distraught and I needed to head home to be with her. I hear the secretary telling another office staff that she was losing her mind and a few variations to that effect. I rush home to find the pastor from church, performing an exorcism on our computer. My mother praying fervently through gasping sobs. The pastor and my mother prayed for some time before my dad came home. My dad gets home mad he was called home then he just starts laughing hysterically. Calls my mom a few variations of dumb, goes and wiggles the mouse to bring the computer up and plays the Darth Vader screen saver he added to the computer. "Give in to your anger. With each passing moment you make yourself more my servant" “I find your lack of faith disturbing.” "You underestimate the power of the Dark Side. If you will not fight, then you will meet your destiny." You know all the come to the Dark Side quotes. With a picture of Darth Vader’s face. Of course, my mother couldn't get the computer to do it again because she kept messing with it, and it never went back to sleep mode. So of course her first thought was we had an evil satanic computer possessed by the devil himself. The pastor just quietly snuck out with me during my dad's laughing and my mom's sobs. -u/Tahitisummer
13
Without a shred of sarcasm, I once heard an evangelical describe hot Cheetos as a product of the devil-u/PM_meurbewbs_nbutts
14
An energy drink Yes, I was talking about Monster-u/HadesHailstorm
15
Tampons. I'm not joking or lying. When I was a kid, early 90's, there was a "God Botherer" protesting outside a Superdrug (UK Pharmacy chain) screaming about the Satanism of feminine hygiene products corrupting women into sin. This God Botherer was a woman.
16
My wife's mother pulled her out of the Carebears movie when she was a kid because the bears were casting satanic spells out of their stomachs. My wife still holds a grudge.-u/BlumpKeto
17
The 80's country music song 'Elvira' by the Oak Ridge Boys. They were convinced they were singing 'Hell Fire Up' instead of 'Elvira'.-u/wildfan2k
18
A toothache. "The devil is trying to enter my body" was the quote. Initially, I thought they were making a weird joke. They were serious.-u/RoniCorningstone
19
The funniest one of all was dancing. The joke around my (conservative Christian) college in the 80s was that sex was outlawed because it could lead to dancing... for some bizarre reason, the administration thought dancing was totally evil.-u/SociallyAwkardTurtle
20
I remember a lady saying she refused to eat mushrooms, they were satanic because they grew in the dark.-u/DickPin
21
Being left-handed...a church I visited wouldn't let me play music bc of it-u/boogboi89
22
DnD, but strangely enough, not the Lord of the Rings.-u/azarbi
23
Movie theaters. My dad couldn't go to movie theaters as a kid, because his parents are so obsessively religious.-u/whystudywhensleep
24
"Godzilla" because god's name shouldn't be used like that. Told his kids there was a spelling error and it's actually called "Goodzilla"-u/Odoacker
25
The same teacher who taught abstinence-only sex-ED class took away my deck of Magic cards because they were satanic. How am I supposed to keep my virginity without my Magic cards!?-u/pixelfixation
