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The Time I Screwed Up by Throwing My Steak Out of a Window

A funny story retold with memes about dinner party with my wife's new boss did NOT go according to plan.

By Andrew Cunningham

Published 5 years ago in Funny

A funny story retold with memes about dinner party with my wife's new boss did NOT go according to plan. Story via the subreddit /r/TIFU. It's easier to read this post in List View.
  • 1

    One night, my wife's boss (from her brand new job) invited us over for dinner. On the drive over, my wife reiterated many times to me just how important it was to make a good impression.

    The Time I Screwed Up by Throwing My Steak Out of a Window

  • 2

    I scoffed and arrogantly informed my silly wife that I always make good impressions.

    The Time I Screwed Up by Throwing My Steak Out of a Window

  • 3

    My wife's boss is a single lady in her fifties, so it was just the three of us. We chitchatted over drinks and salads and seemed to really be hitting it off. She laughed at my well-timed, perfectly-appropriate jokes and my wife seemed pleased.

    The Time I Screwed Up by Throwing My Steak Out of a Window

  • 4

    Soon she brought out the main course, a nice big juicy steak for each of us. As I began to cut into my steak, I was discouraged to discover how under cooked this steak was.

    The Time I Screwed Up by Throwing My Steak Out of a Window

  • 5

    Now, I've had my fair share of rare steak. I prefer medium, but I can handle rare. This was several-minutes-on-a-hot-grill short of rare. I probably could've resuscitated the cow had I tried. Instead, I sat there fidgeting with my knife and fork, worrying about how I was going to get away with not eating this steak.

    The Time I Screwed Up by Throwing My Steak Out of a Window

  • 6

    Should I try to claim vegan-ism? No that wouldn't work as I had already feigned great enthusiasm upon seeing the steak.

    The Time I Screwed Up by Throwing My Steak Out of a Window

  • 7

    Just then, our hostess excused herself to the kitchen to take care of some dessert preparations. As I looked across the fancy dining room table at the open window of this 3rd story apartment... a cartoon light bulb appeared over my head.

    I knew I had to be decisive, realizing that she could return at any moment. I committed. I grabbed the steak with my hand, gently shook off the juice and executed a perfect throw right through the center of the open window.

    The Time I Screwed Up by Throwing My Steak Out of a Window

  • 8

    Here's the big time FU. The window wasn't open. It was the cleanest fricking window you've ever seen in your life. That is, until my mostly raw slab of steak slammed up against it and slowly slid down leaving a trail of bloody juice in its wake.

    The Time I Screwed Up by Throwing My Steak Out of a Window

  • 9

    My wife - who's steak was a nice medium rare and was unaware of my predicament - turned, jaw dropped, and stared at me like I was an alien from another planet. This look then slowly morphed into more of a there-is-no-place-on-this-planet-you-can-ever-hide-from-me expression of demonic anger.

    The Time I Screwed Up by Throwing My Steak Out of a Window

  • 10

    My wife's boss heard the thud of the steak-on-window impact and came quickly. She took in the scene, the steak sitting on the window sill, the blood trail, my empty plate, and then gave me an inquisitive, puzzled look.

    The Time I Screwed Up by Throwing My Steak Out of a Window

  • 11

    I just didn't know what to say. It felt like a minute of silence, but was probably 3 or 4 seconds. Finally, the best I could manage was "I... I'm so sorry. I am such a clutz... I don't know... I was just cutting it.. and... it... ... it slipped... just ask my wife, I really am a clutz... right honey?... (no help coming from that direction) ... I will clean this up... I can't believe this... I am so sorry" etc... etc...

    The Time I Screwed Up by Throwing My Steak Out of a Window

  • 12

    Both women continued to stare at me like I had escaped from the loony bin, as I smeared the blood around the window with my cloth napkin, dusted off the steak, and continued to mutter my incoherent explanation. I knew no one was buying the story.

    The Time I Screwed Up by Throwing My Steak Out of a Window

  • 13

    I knew what I had to do. I sheepishly returned to my seat and proceeded to eat every bite of that disgusting, cold, chewy, bloody, raw steak.

    The Time I Screwed Up by Throwing My Steak Out of a Window

  • 14

    I remained pretty quiet the rest of the evening. My wife's only two words to me for the rest of the night were "I'm fine".

    The Time I Screwed Up by Throwing My Steak Out of a Window

Categories:

Funny Facepalm

Tags:

story memes funny steak boss wtf lol reddit askreddit pics
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