Gyms used to be simple. You went in, you sweated, you left smelling like regret. Now? It’s a three-ring circus with mirrors. Welcome to the age of Workout Weirdos, people who treat the gym less like a place to exercise and more like a personal performance space.

There’s the Machine Misuser doing something no engineer ever imagined. Legs where arms go. Arms where logic should be. Then the Human Speed Bump fully horizontal on a machine, scrolling their phone like no one cares. And let’s not forget the Gourmet Lifter, unwrapping a full meal mid-set.

The gym has become a social experiment in shared disbelief. You don’t need pre-workout, you need coping skills. Still, you keep coming back, because it’s better than cable. Same characters. Fewer commercials. And occasionally, you get abs.