Drake recently joined Bobbi Althoff for an episode of her new podcast. If you don’t know who the latter person is, you don’t need to, don’t worry about it.

However, what you *should* be concerned about is what Drake said during it. Not the denial of the ab surgery he definitely (allegedly) had. Instead, it was about the type of girl he claimed he believed it was “destiny” he ends up with: a goth babe with massive knockers.

First, no. Second, absolutely not. Third, what makes you, Drake, the man who wrote the line “Feel like I’m bi ‘cause you’re one of the guys,” think you’re deserving of one of this country’s most treasured, beloved assets — specifically, our heavy-chested goth partner?

Your breed of baby talk may be able to woo a Canadian jet-black-haired baddie, but over here? In the land of the busty and free? I will face God and declare him dead before I allow a voluptuous shadow vixen to cross the threshold into your Korean-skincare-filled faux cigar club-inspired home.

All this is to say that, if you yourself are a spooky curvy queen, you deserve better than someone who, with his full chest, sang the line, “Got so many chains they call me Chaining Tatum.”

Also, please contact us, our DMs are open.

Drake believes he's destined to end up with a “goth baddie with O-cups”

"I am like the opposite of what they want." pic.twitter.com/aPmSMwcc61

— Kurrco (@Kurrco) September 2, 2025