What do you do if your friend has had too much? Call them a cab? Let them try to figure it out for themselves? Or do you call your workplace and tell them that *they* have to handle it?

That’s (allegedly) what FBI director Kash Patel has been doing with his girlfriend. According to several FBI members who requested not to be named, Patel has a tendency to use his position as FBI director to get employees to drive his girlfriend’s friends home after they’ve had too many Cosmos.

To be clear, everyone except Patel apparently knows that this is wrong. Employees have reported pushing back against Patel’s request, only to be told that it was an *order* that they bring the girls home (and hold their hair back if they have to).

Of course, the FBI has denied this. Plus, there’s always a chance that these stories are being leaked by Patel himself in order to encourage people to believe he has both friends and a girlfriend, despite the way he looks, talks and acts.

Still, I think most people can agree that he shouldn’t use the FBI for his personal exploits — he wouldn’t want to sully the good name of the organization that off’d MLK, now, would he? I mean, uh, never mind!