There lives in Beaver Dams, NY a man of many talents. A professional dog trainer who has transcended the noble craft of classical canine conditioning to become so, so much more. From dispensing insightful human-avian relationship advice to sunbathing with his vampire girlfriend, Peter Caine wears many hats.

Peter Caine claims he was the victim of Sasquatch Sexual Assault. According to his harrowing account below, the trainer was allegedly out on his lonesome, enjoying the solitude of the relatively secluded forests of Beaver Dams when he was set upon by a giant female sasquatch. This is his first time returning to the dry creek bed where he was overtaken by the she-squatch since the incident.