I dont know why I keep watching television. On one hand, it can be entertaining and it never ceases to be an ongoing source of material for me, and on the other hand it can totally piss me off. In either case, it's no wonder why people have called it The Idiot-Box (amongst other similarly flattering terms) for so many years.

To ring in 2008, I have 5 major issues on the Boob-Tube right now. And honestly, I dont know what's more unnerving to me - that the demographics are somehow correct, or that the lack of anything better seems to suit people just fine.

1. Commercials about totally incompetent men. When did those little jokes that women make to eachother at cookouts about thier husbands become a common place reality? According to telelvision, men cannnot dress themselves, cook dinner, do taxes, clean the house, or take care of children. I dont get it. First of all, like I am going to be the first to raise my hand up and exclaim, "Oh girl, you know that's just how it is! I am so glad someone finally understands that I have a lazy husband who is a useless father! Woo! Right on!" Commericals perpetuate stupid sterotypes for women, but hell, at least they try and mask it in a positive light somehow instead of showing us off as the phone-gabbing, money hungry, housekeeping, chocoholic breeders that they infer.

2. Those Internet safety messages for kids directed at parents. My favorite of all time so far are the two little 8 year old girls pinkie-swearing that they will never meet anyone online unless they have thier permission of thier parent (or guardian), and that thier parent (or gaurdian) must come with them, etc. Holy crap, people! Um, ok... I know this is the Internet age and everything, but dont folks understand that even a grown adult has a 50/50 chance of meeting someone in person who is completely psycho??? How about this - NO CHILDREN should meet ANYONE in person that they met online. EVER! I dont care if youre 15 and you have 5 friends with you and its at the Mall of America! That weirdo can still have a stun-gun (or worse) and all you and your friends are going to be able to tell the security guard was that the guy had a beard and a blue van. Kids meet thier friends through other friends at school or through other friends. And parents - believe me, you are just as much at risk of being shot or strangled no matter what you read. Final point to consider - the warnings and tips about this big bad Internet thing, you are getting OFF OF the Internet. If the irony doesnt strike you there, read your kid a fucking book already.

3. Reality Shows and Game Shows have now morphed into Reality Game Shows. It started with American Idol and sunk its claws into everything. Cooking, Travel, Losing Weight, Modeling, Sewing, GETTING A JOB - and the best ever - yes - a reality game show about actually producing other shows. I am now absolutely convinced that they can put some swirly colors with mindless chatter in a made up language on a major network and get ratings.

4. Commercials that take something serious and put a pleasant spin on it. Is it just me, or is herpes a rather serious matter? Are there just so many people that have it now that they dont need to have an ad that reflects the fact that when you finally work up the balls to tell your partner about it, you can at least tell them, "Listen, I have herpes - but I am taking Risconsiflaxin, and it does the following..." And when did heartburn, nausea, upset stomach and diarrhea actually become a fucking DANCING JINGLE?? Look at the ads for Alzheimer medications. You dont see some 80 year old guy playing the fucking saxophone and eating pizza with his buddies, do you? Or - "I asked my doctor about Tramactaplon - because I choose not to let chlamydia slow me down!!!" And one last word here - there is NOTHING that I can shove up there that will make me "have a happy period", with the exception of cock-shaped genie that will take my period away, give me a rocking orgasm and grant me three fucking wishes, mmm-kay?

5. Burger King. Well, they started it anyway. These new variations on campaigns that have somehow tried to translate the weird and totally creepy with being equal to the word delicious is completely beyond me. I think they are trying to go for funny here, but I am still missing the point. When did ha-ha equal tasty-time? Are we that fat and mindless?  "Food on TV. Me Must Be Hungry". Pizza Hut is so lazy now that thier most recent tagline is "dont get something bad, get something good" - Are you fucking serious??? I should invent delicious food that automatically makes you puke in 30 minutes or less and market it to bulemics. Then I could be filthy rich and burn in hell like the rest of these bastards.