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ALF's Lost Episode

  There was a show on NBC from 1986 to 1990 called ALF.  It followed the adventures of ALF and the Tanner family.  ALF crash landed in their garage and quickly became an integral part of the family.  He was generally a fine, upstanding alien; one exception was his propensity of trying to eat the family cat, Lucky.  On his home planet of Melmac, cats were a daily staple.  So ALF had to be taught restraint in this arena.  Another facet of the show was the nosy neighbors, Trevor and Raquel Ochmonek.  Trevor was a hen pecked husband who was generally a good guy.  Raquel was an unhappy and bitter woman who wanted to cause trouble for as many people as she could.  The Tanners piqued her interest because they were a happy family and she wished to make cause them misery.  After ALF joined the family, Raquel tried in vain to catch a glimpse of ALF and call the authorities.  On another topic, Raquel was played by Anne Sheridan.  Later on she played Jerry Seinfeld's mother on Seinfeld and was quite funny.  

   In an un-aired and un-filmed episode of ALF, Raquel cornered ALF in the garage and threatened to call homeland security on his alien ass. This would have been a death sentence to the furry Melmacian.  ALF was able to summon a formerly unknown power and offer Raquel the gift of eternal happiness and in return she would leave him and the Tanners alone.  Raquel, being an unhappy and bitter woman, had her doubts.  However, she had never known happiness so she accepted the deal.  ALF closed his eyes and said a chant.  The lights flickered, smoke consumed the garage, and ALF and Raquel fainted.  The show cut away to ALF being rescued by Willie Tanner and Raquel being taken to her house.   When Raquel Ochmonek awoke, she had a serene peace about her.  She thought she had dreamed the whole thing, except she was happy.  She felt wonderful.  She had no feelings of bitterness, sadness, remorse, or anger.  A few weeks passed and she had no daily problems.  Everything in life worked to her liking and to her will.  She had to do nothing except sit back and be happy.  The show fast forwarded 6 months.  Raquel was still happy but something wasn't right.  She could only express happiness, but it really wasn't happiness anymore.  She came to the realization that happiness is a relative state of being.  Now she was sentenced to happiness and had nothing to compare it too.  The happiness she displayed to everyone else turned into her own sadness.  She put one of Trevor's pistols in her mouth and fixed herself a lead salad.  This is probably why NBC did not green light the episode.    

   Eternal happiness can only occur if you also go through eternal sadness (and all other emotions).  Happiness cannot exist without sadness.  If there was not sadness, how would you know if you were happy?  You would have no basis for comparison; i.e. dryness exists because we have wetness, high mountains exist because we have deep valleys, and death exists because we have life.  So the next time you are sad or angry or remorseful, remember without it you could never be happy.

   End Note:  The whole story about ALF may or may not be true.  This guy I know, Charlie, used to be a writer on ALF and he swears by this story.  So send all inquiries his way.  I also had a huge crush on Lynn Tanner...hubba hubba.  

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