An Ode to Eggos

My stomach was talking to me. Telling me "Ashley, if you don't feed me, I'm going to start to devour you." So I got up, knowing there's no real food in the house, and went on a man hunt to save myself from my sinister stomach. I hunted through to pantry, coming out with flour and some sort of ancient can with no lable. Well, I can't eat flour, so I tossed it back in the cave of emptiness and wasnt suprised when it echoed.

I stared at the can, weighing the risks and benifits. Who knows what lies under that lid. Some sort of foriegn veggies? Spagghetti-O's...with the lil chucks of hot dog? some sort of nuclear mush that will release it's poisonous gas as soon as the lid's off? Fearing for my safety I carefully put the mystery can back in the pantry and closed the door.

On to the empty refidgerator. Condiments of all kinds, ketchup, mustard, mayo, butter, even relish....yet nothing to put them on. Hmmm, it's possible to make a meal out of condiments. I could mix them all into some sort of stomach churning mush. It would please my stomach turned captor, but surely my taste buds would rebell....on to the freezer.

I had pictures of mysterious bags and boxes caked with layers of ice comparable to the Arctic. I slung it open, and as the icy smoke cleared, I heard angels sing. There was the bright yellow box of salvation. Shrouded in it's angellic light. Eggos. I quickly snatched this awe inspireing treasure from it's icy pedastal. Hugging it close and keeping a sharp eye out for theives that seem to constantly appear when I've found food. My stomach roared with anticipation, and I growled back, telling it to calm itself in it's own language.

I popped the top and grabbed 6 beautiful diamond encrusted peices of frozen YUMMINESS out of the box. I put two in the toaster, and cursed the fact that I could only do two at a time. Impatiently I paced back and forth infront of the toaster. Trying to get my mind off of the heaven that was just within my reach. Just as I was about to pull out my hair *pop*. I leaped onto the counter and snatched them from the toaster quickly. I squeeled as they singed my fingers and I tossed them onto the plate.

Four more. I sighed with discontent as I put two more in. I licked my lips and walked over to my freshly toasted babies. Temptation wrapped itself around me like a horny asian. No. I must resist the call of it. I have to wait until they're all nice and toasty before I devour them. But...just to touch them, I could do that, I just won't bring them close to my mouth. I looked longingly at the toaster. "Oh, sweet Eggos". I thought, "why must you torchure me so?" BUTTER! Yes, sweet butter only adds to the phenomenal taste. I quickly snatched it from the fridge and grabbed a knife. Just as I was preparing to spread the butter on the first eggo like a strippers legs spread for money...*pop*

JOY! Only two more, I can do this, I'm doing great, just a few more minutes. I snatch the searing eggos from the toaster and replace them with the frozen ones.As I finished spreading the butter on the 4 toasted ones, the last ones popped up. They screamed "Put butter on me and eat me like a pussy covered in whip-cream!"

As I took the frist bite and moaned like a hooker taking a hot shot of cum in the back of her throat. No words can describe the pleasure I was enduring. My pupils dialated, my taste buds did the can-can, and I could feel my stomach smile. I downed them like a shot of sweet cinnamony wonder. I moaned again as I took the last bite, it was the moan of discontent...for the Eggos were no more.

A tear rolled down my cheek as my roommate walked in. He raised a curious eyebrow at me and asked if I just got laid. "My tounge did....."*sniffle*"My tounge did...."

Uploaded 06/04/2008
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