I was thunderstruck by Lady Rebecca as she approached me with what she described as an act to be remembered by every man, woman, and child.
"'Tis a fine performance!" She exclaimed, nearly breathless with excitement. "Surely you will not another family more lovely and talented as this!"
"Why, bring them in to me at once, dear Lady! If you say such a family cannot be equaled, then it must be so!" Said I.
I cannot lie, I have always been quite fond of Lady Rebecca. Her golden curls, curvaceous figure, and delicate touch could command any man she desired. I could not help the fluttering inside my belly as she stepped into my office with a family that paralleled her beauty with a magnificence I cannot describe. Ah! To be in the presence of such splendor is a rarity these days.
"Lady Rebecca, 'tis always a pleasure to see you. And I must say, I can almost hear the angels weep with jealousy as they gaze upon this fine family you have brought to me today!" I exclaimed as I brought the Lady's fair hand to my lips.
"Oh, Reginald! You know not bring a blush to my face with such flattery!" Rebecca laughed.
"Quite correct, but I simply cannot refuse to give up listening to the sounds of such dulcet laughter."
She obliged me with another of her melodies of brevity that I so crave and bade the silent family to step forward. The father was a portly yet strikingly handsome man. I could sense the raw power behind his demeanor. His rough hands gave me further proof that he was a man of labor, a respectable trait in my opinion, though some would disagree. His wife, too, was not unaccustomed to work, yet she still retained the grace and delicacy that royalty should possess. The children... ah, the children! Only God Almighty could create such creatures that mirror their parents' beauty so perfectly. The eldest son, already lean and muscular at the tender age of fourteen, held an air of confidence about him that I found to be almost disarming. The daughters, aged nine and five, could surely be a prize for any man in the future.
I took my seat as the Lady led the string quartet to the far corner of the room. My prospective talents took their places in the center of the room and the sounds Chopin's Minute Waltz began to fill my office. Father took mother's hand, son took daughter's, and they began to perform a nearly flawless ballroom waltz while the child fluttered about, inciting a chuckle from myself.
Much to my delight, the two eldest children gave a deep bow, and mother watched father hold the child high above his head for the finale. I stood and began to clap with glee, but my celebration was premature, I regret to say.
Suddenly, the father ripped the child's dress off with his teeth while his dear wife pulled her son's cock out and began sucking him off. The child began to writhe and squirm as her father held her high in the air by her throat and fist-fucked her tender vagina while the eldest daughter pulled her skirt high over her head (the girl was not wearing any undergarments!) and began to furiously masturbate next to her father, who by this time, had his youngest daughter's blood dripping down his arm as he continued to ram his fist in and out of her corpse as the string quartet began to play an Irish pub's rendition of God Save The Queen. The father bent down, dropped his trousers and began to shit into the open mouth of his willing son while the mother, God forgive me, threw her legs behind her head and began to lap up her own menstrual juices that seemed to spray onto her own face in a torrent of blood and mucous. The child at this time was nothing more than a husk as the father was elbow deep in her asshole while he used her to wipe himself off. The smell pervaded every fiber of my being, and all I could feel was the numbness of death as I sat, mouth agape, and disbelieving.
"What is that smell!?" Were the only words I could utter.
"Boiled cabbage!" The father exclaimed triumphantly. "Washed down with a quart of goat's milk, I daresay, makes for a meal fit for a king!"
"And bits of corn, too!" The son squealed in a shit-clotted chortle.
I could feel the nausea creeping up inside of me, and I held it back even as the mother and son began to exchange the fecal matter between their lips. An obnoxious thump could be heard as the father spun around in circles, still spraying his shit everywhere might I add, and hurled his shit-glove of a daughter against the wall with such force that her beanbag of a body exploded against the wall in a shower of blood, gore, and chips of bone.
"Oh, how marvelous!" Lady Rebecca laughed with unbridled joy as the eldest daughter began to urinate upon her father's face.
Father and brother began to fuck daughter and mother (respectively) up the asshole while scooping the bits of shit mixed with the child up into the women's mouths with miniature shovels. The father and brother began to shout in unison:
"And now, for our grand finale, we will empty our ballsacks and allow the women to perform a familiar tune with their assholes!!"
An audible 'squelch' could be heard as semen began to drip out of the mother and daughter's pink little assholes, and the women began to fire out a series of thunderous farts to the melody of Amazing Grace, sending the men's shit-encrusted bodily fluids spraying all over myself, Lady Rebecca, and the room. I could not hold back. My body lurched forward and I could not help but hurl my vomit across the room, whereupon the four family members leapt high into the air and catching it into their mouths. To my horror, not a drop was spilt.
The naked, shit-covered, piss-soaked, semen-coated, blood-caked grinning family each gave a triumphant triple-back-flip and a deep bow in my direction, and ended their showcase of pure, unadulterated evil with an exultant, "Ta da!!" as the string quartet ended their number with a powerful D Major.
I know not how long I sat in front of the smiling, sweating family in a state of abject terror. After regaining some of my composure, I nervously wiped the perspiration from my brow and cleared my throat. Lady Rebecca began to giggle and clap quickly and lightly.
"Well done! Oh, it was marvelous! Did you not think so, Reginald?" She cried.
I shook my head and began to weep for what seemed to be an eternity, although Lady Rebecca later informed me that it was only forty minutes.
"Words cannot describe what you have shown me this day. What on earth would you call this sort of act!?" I questioned, making sure not to provoke them into showing me anything further.
"My good sir," The father smiled, "We call ourselves, 'The Aristocrats'."