BattleAxe and the Late Night Phone Call.

We were pregnant with our first born. The call came at eleven p.m. while we were in bed. "John? John! Can you come to the museum right away?" She desperately pleaded. "Why what's wrong?" I asked. "The insurance on the art runs out at midnight at this location. It needs to be transported to our new home immediately. Look I'll give you five hundred dollars if you come here immediately and put the paintings in the new vault.

My wife and I had our hearts set on a new Emmaljunga pram for the baby. She was reluctant for me to go and called BattleAxe a crazy bitch. I told her this would pay for the new pram and would take me only a couple of hours. Reluctantly, she agreed. Within twenty minutes I arrived at the museum.

I scooted up to the reinforced doors and BattleAxe immediately let me in. "Quick John take all those paintings and put them in your truck. Fuck. Fuck. If anything happens to these paintings I will be in big trouble."  Most of these world renowned artworks were not even boxed or crated and I had to put them in the back of my pick up truck. BattleAxe instructed me to pack them frame face to frame face to help protect them.

As I carried them out I recognized, even with my limited knowledge of great art, that these were world renowned masterpieces that I was about to place into the back of my pick up and transport about two miles to their new location.

The back of my truck was filled with paintings, but before I left Battle axe frantically asked me to bring her jewelery box and her Golden Retriever with me. According to the insurance agreement someone had to reside in the home and she needed Dudley, her dog, and jewels to be with her. I agreed and she pointed out her jewelery box. Holy Fucking Dangleberry this thing was the size of a pirate chest. I picked it up and could barely carry it out the door. BattleAxe gleamed with pride as I struggled to place it into my back seat. Keep in mind this women would never buy or own junk, so this chest was probably worth over a million dollars easy.

At the new estate I placed all the paintings in the vault, It was so full I could barely shut the door. The home was still under renovation and the next morning about twenty workers would descend on the place. I couldn't put the jewelery chest in the vault due to lack of space, yet I had to secure it.

I recalled the architect emphatically telling the general contractor that the master bedroom and bath had to be completed by this date and no one was to enter that part of the home under any circumstances.  My decision was to place the treasure chest into the shower stall, with frosted glass, as there was no reason for anyone other than BattleAxe to enter there.

At around Eleven O'clock the next morning BattleAxe frantically demanded to know where here jewelery case was. She was fuckin'  jonesen! I told her it was in the shower. She asked me why did I put it there? I explained, " there is no reason for anyone to go there as that room was complete." I could feel her levels of alert drop from level ten to zero over the phone. " That was an excellent idea", click.

Uploaded 03/19/2011
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