Blogging for Dummies: How to Succeed NEKO.
andrewryan69
Published
10/12/2011
WELCOME to AndrewRyan's "Blogging for Dummies" segment on how to succeed in creating a blog that will ultimately benefit the blog community ... and even yourself! Ladies, take off your socks and send me pictures of your bare feet (not Tyaeda, I don't care for yellow smoker's feet) ... as for the rest of you, sit back, grab some of your son's marijuana, and LEARN!
STEP ONE: HAVE A TITLE WITH "NEKO" IN IT.
Woah, slow down there, Andrew! Are you telling me that I have to feature some BITCH WHO CONSTANTLY "TERRORIZES" THE BLOG SECTION WITH HER COHERENT BABBLE THAT MAY ONLY APPEAL TO INTELLECTUALS? THIS IS PREPOSTEROUS!
Ha ha, please. Neko/shylittleazn/thebloggerwhoisconstantlytormentedbecauseofherethnicity is an instant hit among the blog community ... simply featuring her name in the title of your blog will INSTANTLY grant you over one hundred views! Why? It's because everybody DETESTS Neko! Anything Neko, whether Neko's name is boldly presented in the title or Japanese hentai music is blaring in the background in dedication to Neko, will force people to click on your blog without doubt. See? I explicitly wrote "NEKO" at the end of my title and that will lure the irate old folk into my blog and we will all have a grand ol' time!
Warning: Due to Neko's presence, you will be subjected to many one stars and thumbs downs from various accounts. If you are stoic individual and thus willing to take abuse, please proceed onward. If not, please disregard STEP ONE: HAVE A TITLE WITH "NEKO" IN IT or else you will face severe consequences. In fact, this blog will receive mostly one stars, especially from Tyaeda and her army of white knights.
STEP TWO: BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, BBBBBULLLLLSHIT!
If not blatantly obvious by the repetition of "BULLSHIT," in order to be deemed both interesting and dynamic, you will need to bullshit your way through the swamp of blogs. Imagine the blog section is in fact a swamp: each blog is a reed protruding from the translucently gray swamp water. Every reed, however, is mundane in that they are uniform to one another and possess no unique qualities. You, my friend, want to skew away from being a typical bland reed ... you want to be a CROCODILE. You want to be that animate species that slithers throughout the murky waters and is as gaudy as Gyps' tampon after twenty-eight days.
With the power of BULLSHIT, you can be that obvious crocodile in the water. For example, pretend to have a "scoff" with some "servant" at IHOP to further instigate the irate old crowd that populates the blog section. What about pretending to have an obsession over some girl on the blog section who is ten years older than you? All of this makes GREAT MATERIAL to read as BULLSHIT is really hard to resist. Do people really want to hear you go on and on about your butterfly collection or how much alcohol you drank in your mother's basement? NO! They want to hear BULLSHIT.
STEP THREE: FEATURE PRETTY/CUTE PICTURES, ACT LIKE AN ASSHOLE, AND FEATURE SUPER MUSIC!
FUCKKKKKKKKKK YOU! MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCKER, GET BENT.
Take note of the above example: I presented a cute picture of two girls smiling and then proceeded to tell you to get bent! What have I done? I have GRASPED YOUR ATTENTION - you are currently in shock by my sudden transition of cuteness to downright meanness.
Pictures are great in that the old irate bloggers who populate this section have absolutely no attention span and featuring either kids smiling or puppies in picture form will force the Alzheimer riddled old people to recall happier days where Abraham Lincoln was president and "the colored folk" didn't have rights.
Being mean and riddling your blog with fucking curse words adds flavor to your fucking faggot ass blog: imagine calling someone an ass hat topped off with a shit sundae and your comment box will be spammed with a bunch of fucking dickheads spamming idiocies like "U MAD" and "FUCK U BITCH IM GONNA COME OVER TO UR HOUSE AND FUCK UR MOM AND SUCK UR DADS DICK." Try it for yourself!
As for the music, anything will do, especially if you have the audacity to feature a song from Neko's wonderful playlist or some Soulja Boy tune that will get your feet tapping. The song you are currently listening to is BANGS' "TAKE U TO DA MOVIES" - such quality work, five stars!
STEP FOUR: ???????????????????
???????????????????
STEP FIVE: PROFIT! YOU HAVE CONSTRUCTED A SUCCESSFUL BLOG!
Congratulations if you have read this far ... you are now on your way to creating a successful and well cherished blog by the cranky old masses who unfortunately occupy this blog section. Be proud and make sure to give this blog one star to assure Andrew Ryan that you are indeed a cock sucker!
STEP ONE: HAVE A TITLE WITH "NEKO" IN IT.
Woah, slow down there, Andrew! Are you telling me that I have to feature some BITCH WHO CONSTANTLY "TERRORIZES" THE BLOG SECTION WITH HER COHERENT BABBLE THAT MAY ONLY APPEAL TO INTELLECTUALS? THIS IS PREPOSTEROUS!
Ha ha, please. Neko/shylittleazn/thebloggerwhoisconstantlytormentedbecauseofherethnicity is an instant hit among the blog community ... simply featuring her name in the title of your blog will INSTANTLY grant you over one hundred views! Why? It's because everybody DETESTS Neko! Anything Neko, whether Neko's name is boldly presented in the title or Japanese hentai music is blaring in the background in dedication to Neko, will force people to click on your blog without doubt. See? I explicitly wrote "NEKO" at the end of my title and that will lure the irate old folk into my blog and we will all have a grand ol' time!
Warning: Due to Neko's presence, you will be subjected to many one stars and thumbs downs from various accounts. If you are stoic individual and thus willing to take abuse, please proceed onward. If not, please disregard STEP ONE: HAVE A TITLE WITH "NEKO" IN IT or else you will face severe consequences. In fact, this blog will receive mostly one stars, especially from Tyaeda and her army of white knights.
STEP TWO: BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, BBBBBULLLLLSHIT!
If not blatantly obvious by the repetition of "BULLSHIT," in order to be deemed both interesting and dynamic, you will need to bullshit your way through the swamp of blogs. Imagine the blog section is in fact a swamp: each blog is a reed protruding from the translucently gray swamp water. Every reed, however, is mundane in that they are uniform to one another and possess no unique qualities. You, my friend, want to skew away from being a typical bland reed ... you want to be a CROCODILE. You want to be that animate species that slithers throughout the murky waters and is as gaudy as Gyps' tampon after twenty-eight days.
With the power of BULLSHIT, you can be that obvious crocodile in the water. For example, pretend to have a "scoff" with some "servant" at IHOP to further instigate the irate old crowd that populates the blog section. What about pretending to have an obsession over some girl on the blog section who is ten years older than you? All of this makes GREAT MATERIAL to read as BULLSHIT is really hard to resist. Do people really want to hear you go on and on about your butterfly collection or how much alcohol you drank in your mother's basement? NO! They want to hear BULLSHIT.
STEP THREE: FEATURE PRETTY/CUTE PICTURES, ACT LIKE AN ASSHOLE, AND FEATURE SUPER MUSIC!
FUCKKKKKKKKKK YOU! MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCKER, GET BENT.
Take note of the above example: I presented a cute picture of two girls smiling and then proceeded to tell you to get bent! What have I done? I have GRASPED YOUR ATTENTION - you are currently in shock by my sudden transition of cuteness to downright meanness.
Pictures are great in that the old irate bloggers who populate this section have absolutely no attention span and featuring either kids smiling or puppies in picture form will force the Alzheimer riddled old people to recall happier days where Abraham Lincoln was president and "the colored folk" didn't have rights.
Being mean and riddling your blog with fucking curse words adds flavor to your fucking faggot ass blog: imagine calling someone an ass hat topped off with a shit sundae and your comment box will be spammed with a bunch of fucking dickheads spamming idiocies like "U MAD" and "FUCK U BITCH IM GONNA COME OVER TO UR HOUSE AND FUCK UR MOM AND SUCK UR DADS DICK." Try it for yourself!
As for the music, anything will do, especially if you have the audacity to feature a song from Neko's wonderful playlist or some Soulja Boy tune that will get your feet tapping. The song you are currently listening to is BANGS' "TAKE U TO DA MOVIES" - such quality work, five stars!
STEP FOUR: ???????????????????
???????????????????
STEP FIVE: PROFIT! YOU HAVE CONSTRUCTED A SUCCESSFUL BLOG!
Congratulations if you have read this far ... you are now on your way to creating a successful and well cherished blog by the cranky old masses who unfortunately occupy this blog section. Be proud and make sure to give this blog one star to assure Andrew Ryan that you are indeed a cock sucker!
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