British Have Terrible Foods

The English are not known for good food and there is a good reason for it. It's really horrible stuff. If I lived there I would have to move away. Nothing jolly about jolly old England in the food department. I don't even know how a man could attain proper jolly proportion with that slop.

For example one of their favorite dishes is Toad-in-the-hole. Traditionally served on a Saturday morning. The Traditional accompaniment being horseradish sauce.
Then there is Spotted Dicks. I'm serious, those Limies gobble that stuff up!

They enjoy Bubble and Squeek which is a combination of cold left over vegetables mashed up with the meat no body wanted the week before.  The name is derived from the noises you make after eating it.

Of course the English eat lots of pudding, probably because their teeth are so bad, it's easy for them to eat. One classic pudding is Black Pudding. It is made from dried pigs blood and fat, eaten at breakfast time.  How would you like to wake up to the smell of that cooking in the morning before work? I'd be leaving my portion near the edge of the table hoping a cat or dog snaps it up.

We've all heard of English Bangers, which we know as a sausage for breakfast. Well, the traditional English Banger was developed during WWI. During rationing it was so full of water it exploded as you heated it up. I guess people would just gather up the little bits around the kitchen?

For the hard working man a traditional English lunch would be Ploughmans Lunch. For his hard work, he would be rewarded with a small piece of cheese, a bit pickle, a pickled onion and a chunk of baguette a Frenchman left behind.


Who could resist a nice serving of Pie and Mash with parsley liquor? Made with minced eel, the traditional pie and mash doesn't come without its famous sauce known as liquor which is a curious shade of green and definitely non-alcoholic. The liquor is bright green!

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I've never been able to figure out how anyone could eat fish for breakfast, but somehow the Brits eat it every morning, Kippers for breakfast. No wonder they ruled the seas, with morning breath like that, they could fill a mighty sail.


After dinner for some strange reason, they like to pop back a candy that looks like a bug, The Mint Humbug.
You'd think with England's long and rich history they would have invented a lot of foods besides the strange configurations mentioned above, but in reality they only invented four foods.

1762: The Sandwich which is more of a way of eating food, so not really a food invention. Apparently, some English lord didn't want to put his meal down while engaged in a little animal "Husbandry" if you get my drift.

1902: Marmite was invented in England.

Marmite is dark brown-coloured savoury spread made from the yeast that is a by-product of the brewing industry. It has a very strong, slightly salty flavour. It is definitely a hate-it type of food. Bla!

Worcestershire Sauce (Worcester Sauce)

1837 John Lea and William Perrins of Worcester, England started manufacturing Worcester Sauce (Worcestershire).

Worcester sauce was originally an Indian recipe, brought back to Britain by Lord Marcus Sandys, ex-Governor of Bengal. He asked two chemists, John Lea and William Perrins, to make up a batch of sauce from his recipe. So not really English either.

HP Sauce was invented in England at the end of the 19th century by Mr FG Garton, a Nottingham grocer. He was down on his luck and couldn't pay his bills, so when Edwin Samson Moore, owner of the Midland Vinegar Company, offered to cancel his debt with the company and pay him £150 for the recipe, plus the use of the name HP, Garton jumped at the chance.

Moore had been looking around for some time for a sauce to manufacture and market. He liked both the taste and the name of Garton's HP Sauce, which had an appropriately patriotic ring to it. The HP stood for Houses of Parliament, as it was rumoured that the sauce had been seen gracing the tables of one of the dining rooms there.

Uploaded 01/28/2012
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