Canada's Wonderland


Once Upon a time I worked at Canadas Wonderland.  I was a sweeper.  As I was walking around sweeping trash I found a few nuts and bolts loose by Flight Deck.  I didn't really think anything of it so I pulled them up and threw it away.  That is when all hell broke loose.  Turns out those nuts and bolts were the most important part of the ride, because the entire ride came crashing down.  People were screaming running for cover.  This started a chain reaction.  Some of the debris of Flight Deck flew over and landed on the Time Warp which caused one of the trains to de-rail and crashed into Phsyclone.  This caused the Phsyclone pendulum to fly off and crash into Sledge Hammer.  This caused the seats from 3 to 4 to fly off and crash into the Expo ecology barn.  This caused a great big explosion and the entire barn burned to the ground, but no one notices.  The smoke from the flames traveled over to Backlot Stunt Coaster  Heather the ride operator couldn't see anything through the thick smoke so instead of her pressing the button to shut down the ride she pushed the button to make it go faster.  The ride wasn't built to handle the high speed so it de railed and crashed into The Mighty Canadian Minebuster.  The Minebuster then exploded shooting wood all over Splash Works.  Pieces of wood would fly and spear people that were just laying around in the Lazy River.  The lifeguards at the Lazy River were too lazy to save the victims.   One of the stabbed victims managed to survive and ran out of Splash works jumped over a fence and was hit by the train of Sky Ryder. This caused the Sky Ryder train to fly off and land into The White Water Canyon.  The boat crashed into the electric track.  The electric track then set out currents of electricity into the 3D movie house and Timber Wolf Falls.  The electric current was so powerful that it caused Sponge Bob Square Pants to come to life and eat all the children in Kidzville.  The electric current woke up the Wolf of Timber Wolf Falls.  The wolf then went on a mad raping  spree, raping people left right and center.   True story I swear. Susan the ride operator of the Vortex saw what was going on down at Timber Wolf Falls and she panic causing her to accidentally  turn the speed knob to full speed. The ride went so fast it actually went into a time vortex.  I couldnt make this up even if I tried!  Steve the ride operator at Thunder Run, who just happened to witness the disappearance of the Vortex was being distracted.  A Terrorist then went into the control room and pressed the destruction button.  The Thunder Run is now no longer a ride it was now giant lightning bolts causing everyone on that ride to die.  The lightning blots electrified the Wild Beast.  Another electric charged went though the statue beast causing it to come alive and kill everyone on that ride too.   The wild beast then went running on the track and caused itself to get a splinter.  The wild beast lost his balance and fell right through the roof of the control panel of Drop Zone.  The wild beast landed right on the red button causing the ride to drop.  DROP STRAIGHT TO HELL THAT IS.  So now the gates of hell are open and the devil himself has risen.  The devil pulls out his mighty pitch fork and zaps The Bat and Dragon Fire.  This lead to the entire Dragon Fire ride transform into a fire breathing dragon.  The Bat transformed into a giant 100 foot bat.  The bat and the dragon fought to the death, because only one giant creature will rule "Medieval Times" area.  As they were fighting the dragon lifted up the bat and threw it into Rip Tide, causing the bat to die almost instantly.  The dragon then moved on to the front gate destroying it completely with his fiery breath.  The dragon grabbed onto the cable of Extreme Skyflyer and sling shot the people on the ride, causing them to crash into Jet Scream.  This lead to a major mishap causing the jet to blast off into outer space.  The Jet ended up crashing into the Russian Space station.  The crash caused the Russian space station to fall to Earth right on top of the Antique Carrousel causing an atomic blast.  The radiation caused the horses to mutate and come to life, but not as ordinary horses but as horses of the apocalypse.  This pleased the devil in Medieval Times very much.   He was so pleased he ordered a funnel cake to celebrate a job well done.  After he was done eating the funnel cake he decided to return to hell.  See now here is the kicker the devil forgot to clean up after himself which of course led to me cleaning up after his lazy ass.  This is by far the worst day I have ever had as a sweeper at Canada's wonderland.


If you are saying What the hell was that? I dont blame you Pepto-Bismol is a hell of trip.  If you did actually work at Canada's Wonderland you would have gotten all the references I made! 

Uploaded 04/11/2009
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