Charlie's Lap Dance

   During my freshman year of college, I lived in a dormitory.  I gambled a bit and had not met my roommate prior to move in.  Luckily, he was a really cool guy and we got along well.  After about three weeks, we began to receive phone calls on Saturday and Sunday mornings that almost all started off with, "Oh, Roman you were great last night...".  Now my name is Roman...Roman Gorgeous.  However, at that point in my life, no girl had necessity to utter those words to me.  So I was quite bewildered.  I usually replied, "Who is this?"  And they would retort, "Surely you haven't forgotten me already Roman!"  The dance would continue until I convinced them that I was not the "Roman Gorgeous" they thought they were talking too.  The first few phone calls were sort of funny, but they continued and got annoying.

   First, I accused my roommate of setting these calls up as a joke.  He swore he had nothing to do with it and that he was getting as annoyed as I with these early morning calls.  I had to agree.  Then one Sunday morning we get a call.  This time it was from a guy and he asked for me.  I said, "This is Roman."  He said, "Hi!  My name is Charlie.  I have been using your name as a way to pick up girls around campus and I think some of them have been calling you.  If one by the name of Claire calls today, I need you to give her my real number."  I replied, "Are you serious?  These calls are driving me nuts.  You are a total dick.  I'm not doing shit for you!"  Charlie said, "C'mon man!  If you do me this favor, I'll help you out.  I'll help you get laid as much as you want."  I was a tad resentful.  How did he know I can't get laid?  However, I was more interested in getting girls than I was my pride...and this guy seemed to know what he was doing.  So I agreed to help Charlie out and we would meet up later.

   My first impression of Charlie was not earth shattering.  He was tall, dark haired, skinny, and unassuming.  I thought to myself, "How is this guy getting all these girls?"  Charlie was full of confidence but not outwardly cocky.  He made you feel like you were important during a conversation.  In the first minutes of meeting him, I knew I would quickly grow to like Charlie.  I said, "So you are picking up all these girls because they think your name is Roman Gorgeous?"  Charlie replied, "Of course not.  Do you pick up girls because of your name?"  I admitted that I did not.  He said, "I have a way of being genuinely sincere with girls.  I listen to them.  I get them to trust me. I become their friend.  Your name happens to be kind of cool and I needed someone who was in the campus directory to go along with my story."  I then said, "So this is all just a facade to get girls to go to bed with you?"  Charlie laughed, "Yeah, I guess so.  You know I really do like all of the girls I pick up.  I just don't want to be tied down...I'm in college for Christ's sake.  That's why I have been using your name." 

   I knew his scheme was wrong, but I had no girls calling me so I learned from Charlie.  Within a few weeks I was hooking up as much as Charlie and we had the best college experience.  We became roommates after our sophomore year and moved off campus.  We would have parties with the two of us and 10 beautiful girls.  It was amazing.  Shortly after we graduated, the parties started dying down.  I got a job in a different city and eventually Charlie did too.  

   For the first year, we still talked frequently and got together a couple of times and partied.  The conversations grew more about being tired of the lifestyle and more about our success in our careers.  We both wanted to settle down.  We were maturing and so was our friendship.  So we both set out to find Ms. Right.  After about 9 months, we had both found someone.  We both got engaged.  Charlie was to be married first.  He asked me to be his best man.  I said, "Of course, Charlie!  I'll throw you the best bachelor party ever."

  I rented a out a small ball room at a local hotel and invited all of Charlie's friends.  I also hired a DJ, a bartender, and a few strippers.  The party was awesome.  We roasted Charlie, gave him gag gifts, bought him all kinds of lap dances, and got him good and drunk.  I, of course, photographed the whole thing.  Around 3:30 AM, the party was dying down.  Most of the guys were heading home, the bartender needed to close down, and the DJ was packing up.  Charlie and I were left.  H was smiling from ear to ear.  I said, "Did you have a good time?"  Charlie said, "Oh man!  Just like old times Roman."  I agreed.  He asked, "You're going to keep these pictures private aren't you?"  I said, "C'mon Charlie.  Of course, I'm just doing it for the sake of posterity.  Just don't piss me off..."  We both laughed.  One of the strippers walked up and said they were taking off.  I looked at Charlie and said, "One more dance?"  He said, "Sure...why not."  I went over to the bartender and got us all a drink.  We toasted and I asked the stripper to take Charlie in the back and give him something special.  I handed her a hundred dollar bill.  We did a quick toast and away they went.

   I waited 10 minutes for the drugs to kick in.  I went to the back room, put on my gloves, and went to work.  I set the stage for a lap dance gone too far.  Then I slipped out a service door.  That was 7 months ago.  Charlie just got sentenced to 25 years for 2nd degree murder this afternoon.  I was in the court room sitting behind my friend when the judge sentenced him.  He had the look of a shear defeat on his face.  Before the police led him away, I leaned over to give him a hug.  I whispered in his ear, "Don't use my name to pick up girls asshole."  Then I walked out of the court room. 


Uploaded 11/16/2009
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