It’s no secret that guys are pretty simple and chicks are complicated. There are the exceptions. I have a friend who always gives waiters very specific, detailed instructions on how the cook should prepare his meal, only to complain when his dish arrives. He will sometimes send it back to be redone. I’m guessing he eats a lot of spit and pubic hair. Generally, though, guys are simple and chicks are complicated.

Obviously females are complex emotionally and I will not go into that as I need to be to bed before morning but I was thinking today about how girls/women always seem to complicate things in general. Take a living space for example. The less crap you have, the less there is to clean. Chicks seem to have this need to collect shit that just serves no purpose like trinkets and knick-knacks and wall hangings. It serves NO FUNCTION other than to make dusting last an hour longer than it should. My ideal living room has a couch, a TV, a coffee table with a coaster and a porn magazine on it. In fact, fuck the coaster, I’ll put my beer on the magazine and jack off around it.

In the bathroom they need shampoo, two types of conditioner, body gel, exfoliating scrub, pumice stones, bath oil, bubble bath and a host of other  PRODUCT. They also want a fancy toilet lid cover. I guarantee you, ladies; I will get piss on that cover. Not intentionally, but my urine will find it. As for PRODUCT (I hate that term. When I get my hair cut they ask, “Would you like some product in your hair?” and I’m thinking, “WD-40 is a product, Cheetos are a product…” Finally I just tell them to rub a Milky Way bar into my scalp. I’d ask for Snickers but I don’t like peanuts.) the only PRODUCTS I need in the tub are a bar of soap and a bottle of shampoo and if I run out of one I can use the other. I’ve been known to wash my hair with a bar of Irish Spring. It gets out caramel and nougat very well.

Ever look at a woman’s keychain? ‘More shit hanging from there than on a Latino’s rear-view mirror. They get decorative covers for their cell phones and their toasters. They collect ladybugs. Not the actual living bugs, just everything ladybug. (or frog or dolphin)

Ladybug pendants, dishes, KEYRINGS, figurines, posters, letter openers…and on and on. It serves no purpose yet they collect it. I collect porn. It serves a purpose.

We, as men, put up with it though because girls are nice to kiss and they have vaginas. In that respect we are all like my friend. We eat a lot of spit and pubic hair.