No matter the age or maturity level the demons always seem to come back around, oh they may leave for months or even years at a time but its funny how they will pop back up. I had a pretty damn bad experience on December 16,1991 and here it is 20 years later and it woke me up at 2 am  and said "hey fat boy wake up your certainly not trying to sleep". I could say this is not a good time for this to happen, this reliving the experience in vivid detail, but lets be honest here, is there ever a good time to rehash trauma? That logic  is a lot like I found my keys in the on the table and it was the last place I looked, (God I hope so)

Here is the thing about our demons they don't play fair and they sometimes they are so subtle you don't even notice until they are sitting on top of you asking you things like "do you really need to breath or your not using your soul right now are you" I did the dance for years drinking, drugging, and more drinking and drugging just to stop the noise but all you end up with is broke and hungover doing that waltz. I started noticing the demon in the days after the drugs, making a point to look for the signs and when I felt that long dark hallway coming upon me,  I would get angry and grab that bitch and french kiss it right on the mouth but it was sneaky this time, it fooled me. 

I am always amazed at us human beings and our ability to move forward when we can find no damn reason to.  I am not talking about suicide just why so many people don't  just lay down and give up. I have been lucky enough or unlucky enough to have witnessed people who are down on their luck while volunteering at local homeless shelters and if  you want to see the human spirit at work do that for a day. I swear while your there if you pay close attention you can almost see the pain and emptiness in their souls as they do the I have to survive shuffle for one more day and its that strength that amazes me. I cant find a good way to end this little thought process of mine so...

Thanks for reading Bohank
Uploaded 12/16/2011
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