Yesterday I saw this blob girl and thought "Dang, how can someone get so fat?" I understand somebody gains a few pounds now and then, but how much of an idiot do you have to be when you can't realise you have to stop eating like a hog and maybe you won't get any more extra pounds then. Shit.

And you watch those pigs on TV saying

"When I go to the dance floor, all the pretty girls laugh at me and the guys give me funny looks." - Shaniqua, 24 years old, weights 240 pounds

The girls laugh because they've never seen a dancing steamroller. What's the matter with you, fatty - can't stop eating those tasty cakes? Of course you're fat, you eat like a pig.

But maybe they can't realise that by themselves and need some authority to tell them what to do. Luckily for them I'm a gorgeous psychologist who knows just what to do. I never got fat. Because I'm smart and know that as soon as you gain a little bit of weight, you gotta change your eating habits.

Here's some tips for the bloggers. I know at least one person in this section is fat (yes, Rin, I'm talking about you; why did you even go on live chat looking like a hippopotamus? It's a place for attractive girls)

You have to follow the Neko Code:

* Instead of lying all day on the couch, watching stupid cartoons, why not try some sport? My favorite sports are tennis and surfing. Both give great figure.

* Did you see a princess eat in any movie you watched? That's right, a princess doesn't eat much.

* You can only eat candy and ice cream when you're slim and spend your day actively.

* Use the fucking stairs, fatso! Elevators are for slim people like me. And for special occasions only. Even I barely use them. You ever noticed in a movie who passes by the hero when he takes the stairs? That's right, sexy ladies and attractive men in suits.

* don't eat after 6 pm. That's the fucking key. You go to sleep hungry and wake up slimmer the next day.

Thanks for tuning in, guys! If you're slim, then you either know this or you have great metabolism - either way, pass these tips to your fat hog friends, so you help improve the world. Rin, start working out or at least eat less

Have a good one!