Easy computer maintinence for the technologically impared

I know it pains you to have your computer not work like it should.  I’ve had the same problem myself, but I’ve found a fail-proof method to instant gratification and overall serenity.


The steps are as follows:


1.  Reboot computer at first sign of problem.

2.  Reboot again if same problems persist.

3.  Get the idea to look up ways to solve your problem on you tube.

4.  Realize you can’t access solution due to computer problems.

5.  Reboot computer a third time.

6.  Get irritated that computer still isn’t working.

7.  Apply hatchet directly to monitor.

8.  Call Repair Company.

9.  Make cup of coffee.

10.Wait for repairman.

11.Think of a funny idea to do as an I.M. prank to your friends.

12.Realize you can’t do said I.M. pranks due to situation.

13.Get irritated further.

14.Open door for repairman.

15.Allure repairman with cup of coffee

16.Kill repairman when he notices hatchet in monitor.

17.Remember that funny joke you heard a coworker say last Tuesday.

18.Laugh at said joke.

19.Cut repairman into tiny bits.

20.Wait 30 minutes.

21.Call Repair Company.

22.Start stuffing repairman bits into plastic bag.

23.Swear to repair company that repair man never showed up. (while stuffing body chunks into plastic bag)

24.Tie off plastic bag.

25.Convince repair manager that the noise in the background was just the T.V.

26.Haul bag into backyard.

27.Dump bag into compactor (conveniently located in your backyard.)

28.Turn compactor on.

29.Park repairman's car into neighbor’s driveway while compactor is doing its thing.

30.Roll compacted plastic bag in neighbor’s carpet that you stole the other week after having dinner with Lindsey.

31.Dump rug/bag/repairman bit into neighbor’s trashcan.

32.Remember joke again.

33.Laugh at joke.

34.Go to nearest payphone and call the cops about “suspiciousness” at neighbor’s place.

35.Hurry back home before the cops get there.

36.Make popcorn.

37.Laugh at neighbor while he’s hauled off by the police (that’ll teach him for cutting you off last Thursday.)

38.Remember you had computer problems.

39.Steal neighbor’s computer after cops leave.

40.Leave your own “Hatcheted” computer behind.

41.Forget what you needed the computer for.

(Note: one should always be wearing gloves while solving any computer problems to avoid...electrocution.  Yeah...electrocution.)

(Wearing a hairnet will also keep those pesky incriminating hairs out of the body-I mean CPU.)

Ok, I hope this solves all of your problems.  Good night.

Uploaded 10/02/2008
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