BY ROCKY J. SUHAYDA
CHAIRMAN, AMERICAN NAZI PARTY
My Aryan brethren, White America is under siege. Every day, millions of Mexicans are using our schools and hospitals tax-free; blacks are receiving affirmative-action jobs and scholarships that are rightly ours; and by 2025, our great race will be a minority in this country. To reclaim our national birthright, we must join together, take up the glorious mantle of our proud European forebears, and finally figure out how to build a website that isn't a total fucking joke.
How can we expect to uphold our noble heritage in this racially polluted society when everything we put online looks like it was made by a fifth-grader?
Imagine you're a young Aryan-American barely eking out a living, and suddenly you lose your job because someone with darker skin was willing to do the same thing for less money. You're angry. Rightfully so. You want to fight for what's yours. So you visit the American Nazi Party website to educate yourself about the Great Cause of White Separatism, and what do you see? Streaming updates on our local rallies? Inspiring footage of Hitler addressing the Reichstag? Nope. Eight rotating animated skulls and a pathetic MIDI rendition of "Flight of the Valkyries" that loops until you want to blow your brains out.
Doesn't exactly make you want to rise up and rid the earth of the impure, does it?
Assuming visitors' browsers can even read the ancient code used to create our website, the only way they can learn about the heroic tradition of National Socialism is through horizontally scrolling excerpts of Mein Kampf that speed by like a stock ticker on fast- forward. Am I the only one who is noticing this stuff? Jesus Christ, my eyes actually started aching after looking at our home page for about 30 seconds. No joke.
And by the way, considering the fact that we're, gosh, only the largest Aryan advocate group in the entire country, maybe it's about time we thought about fixing some of those broken-image thumbnails and under- construction signs that have been on our website since literally the day it launched. What do you guys think? Oh, and if we want our children to exult in the triumphs of their superior lineage, it might help if we tried updating our news section more than once every seven years. Just a thought!
When George Lincoln Rockwell founded the American Nazi Party in 1959, I'm pretty sure he had something slightly more grand in mind than disgusting-colored letters on a background of tiled swastika graphics.
Now, just as an example, take a look at the Black Panthers' website. There you can read an article and with a single click share it with friends on Facebook and Twitter. And over at ACLU.org, they've figured out how to put their logo right on the browser tab. How cool would it be for us to do that with a tiny little national emblem of the Third Reich? Meanwhile, the United Negro College Fund has a donation button on the front page.
The front page!
If someone wants to give us money, they have to write down our address, find an envelope and stamp, and thenbecause we don't even accept checksgo to the supermarket and fill out a money order. That's hardly any way to finance the glorious struggle for Aryan survival, or to unite our White brothers and sisters in a quest of righteous fire. It pains me to say this, but would it kill us to hire some Jewish techie kid to set up a web store or a PayPal account for us?
Ultimately, our website just needs to convey one simple message: White people of European descent are, and deserve to be recognized as, the exalted torchbearers of all human civilization. So if you know anything about the Internet, web marketing, or social media and can help us out, please let me know. I'd do it myself, but I've got a lot on my plate and, frankly, I'm pretty terrible at this stuff.
So let us rise up as one and solve the problem of shoddy web design and infrequent maintenance, for then, and only then, will the world know we are truly the Master Race!!