(This is the actual film theNaxx referred me to in his request to my FFS list. Also, I'd like to thank Dawnthief for his suggestion on highlighting one of Dolph Lundgren's in-film macho-man catchphrases.)
This title fits pretty well in the bin of action films featuring macho, bad-boy, lone wolf heroes, that go by the beat of their own drum and disregard procedure as they kick various asses on their way to the climax.
Add in a bit of Sci-fi element and you have a semi-low budget, action/mystery movie the likes of which Die Hard fans might consider adding to their Netflix list, though in my personal opinion, although the aliens and guns were interesting, and the concept exciting, I wouldn't get your hopes up too high with Dark Angel, better known as I Come in Peace (sorry, Naxx).
A random yuppie is driving his new $70,000 (in 1990!) car down the night road, and pops in a Christmas CD, which fucks up on him. The disc flies out of the player, and he runs off the road, where he exits to assess the damage.
Suddenly, the new vehicle explodes, and from the fire emerges a strange alien (Matthias Hues), appearing as a 7-ft.-tall Def Leppard reject with white eyes and hair. His only words: "I come in peace."
Now we switch to a Federal warehouse, where two men dressed as cops raid the evidence storage for loads of drugs, before signing out and taking off, leaving the building to explode behind them.
They're on their way to a major deal with their boss Victor Manning (Sherman Howard), which is being conducted with a wired undercover narcotics officer. His partner Jack Caine (Dolph Lundgren), your usual break-all-the-rules, bad boy cop stereotype, is sitting in the car outside, paying scrupulous attention to everything going on.
But across the street, a crazed couple of men with guns try to hold up a mini mart, and Caine has no choice but to bust in, Van Damme-ing the first punk and standing off with the second, eventually capping his ass. Cheesy one-liners ensue.
In the meantime, Caine's partner isn't doing so well. Identified as a cop, the men shoot him, with the boss and his best two guys making off with the cash, leaving the others to gather up the drugs.
They aren't gone for a minute before our alien from planet Van Halen shows up, repeating his "peace" phrase before shooting out a disc (a rival band's CD, maybe) that slices the throats of the remaining bad guys, a la Predator.
He ruffles through one of the dead guy's pockets for some of the drug baggies to go with those in the main suitcase, and when Caine shows up, he takes off.
Sitting distraught over the death of his partner, the place is swarmed with authorities, and his Chief tells him to take a vacation. However, an FBI Agent confronts Caine, where for some reason, instead of wanting to take charge over everything, says he wants him on the job! He talks to the Chief and tells him Caine will be getting a new partner from the Bureau the next day.
In the meantime, some bag lady in a burnt-out building hears a crash, and a new alien shows up. He's got the same 80's hair-band look going, except he's got black tresses in place of white. Also, unlike our "peace" dude that actually kills, this one harms no one, but doesn't say a word. Hm.
We get a machismo scene in which the new Agent Smith (Brian Benben) discusses tactics with Caine, arguing that he never goes on instincts cuz real work depends on proper training, whereas Caine (what did you expect) goes on instinct alone.
Our Klaus Mein alien (actually on the cast list as "Talec", though it never comes up) is still busy on the streets, this time throwing an old convenience store owner onto the pavement to inject something into his chest which involves the injection of a white liquid.
Meanwhile, Caine and Smith end up at a strip club, a place where, naturally, a tough guy cop like Caine prefers to go to "think". They interrogate some dude playing pool on the location of Victor Manning, but all he'll tell them is that "The Martians took it".
Returning to the crime scene, they remove the cover of a speaker to find the murder weapon, which flies back into action the minute they try to touch it.
The scene switches back to David Lee Roth, who is now attacking some warehouse forklift driver in order to perform the same injection on him as the first guy. Only this time, instead of just seeing an injection, we get to see some liquid being extracted from his brain immediately afterward - it can only be assumed Mr. Van Halen is somehow using the drugs he had taken to administer to random single victims, so he could maybe extract the brain chemicals produced (seen this deal before in Liquid Sky).
Suddenly, this new weird alien (also on the cast list as "Azeck", which likewise never gets mentioned) shows up. He immediately chases after our bad guy, blowing up entire cars with the one awesome gun he holds, before losing him following a crash through a window, drop to the sidewalk, and pulling a disappearing act.
Caine brings Smith back to his apartment, where the Agent is surprised such a macho man lives so clean and nicely. Turns out that it's cuz he's got a girlfriend, or ex-wife, or what-the-fuck-ever, Linda (Betsy Brantley), who also works as Coroner. She had been the Examiner in charge of studying the bad guys' corpses, and noticed the precision of the blade was more advanced and finer than even that of a surgical scalpel.
She smacks him around for being such an asshole danger-loving cop, and then fucks him anyway.
The next day, Caine and Smith go to the lab of a buddy of theirs, who's found a way to keep the alien death CD contained within a no-charge field. From what he's discovered, the item is the most powerful electromagnet ever known, which is why it became embedded in the stereo speaker and police couldn't find it, let alone identify it as the weapon. And it was designed to be tuned into particular electromagnetic charges which guide its propulsion - that is, the alien had "tuned" it into the magnetic frequencies of those he wished to kill. Awesome.
So... humans are on the same frequency as Deep Purple?
They receive a postcard from none other than Victor Manning, bragging that he's having a lovely time far out of the country, but his friend Warren would be taking care of him.
Warren happens to be the head of the White Boys, an aptly named group of white, yuppie criminals with expensive cars - and they conveniently show up behind their vehicle that moment, to chase and shoot at them.
However, Caine knows White Boys are very protective of their nice sports cars, so he plays Chicken with them until they swerve, and Smith has to shoot out the back window to get them off their ass.
Now that Caine's own car is damaged, it's ON, NOW! Forget getting a warrant, or stuffing his balls back in his pants - they head right to the White Boys' turf and into Warren's meeting, Caine street fighting his way inside.
But Warren and his goons seem unconcerned with the gun pointed at them, since they managed to capture Smith while Mr. Big Shot was too overly concerned with testosterone to stay mindful of his partner. So if Caine doesn't do their dirty work and take part in carrying drugs for a major deal, Smith will be killed.
They're escorted to a luggage shop so Caine can go in alone and exchange the heroin for cash. But the lone man in the store dupes him, and runs out the back with the drug case.
Caine runs after him, and by the time he rounds the corner in the alley, the shop owner is already falling down dead. It's our alien lead singer! He tries to take Caine as his latest victim, but doesn't get the chance before the pursuing good alien, Azeck, chases him off AGAIN. Sigh...
So Linda tells Caine about how endorphins are released to counteract pain or, more importantly, are forced out with the use of drugs like heroin. The endorphins are the reason people get high from many drugs, as they are "nature's ecstasy". However, as of yet, there is no way for these chemicals to be extracted.
Joining up with Smith, Caine explains to him that the markings on the victims' foreheads, along with the fact they were not junkies, indicates that Mr. Van Halen and his enemy must be aliens from another world, with the first on Earth to extract endorphins, and the second chasing after him to stop him.
They rest assured that they retain the upper hand, thanks to being in possession of the disc. But when they go into the lab, their buddy claims some guys had visited, and stole the disc.
At a convenience store, Mr. David Lee Roth is just passing through, using his quickly crusting peace line and magic CD to wipe out some dudes that get in his way, including one apparently confused loss flipping through a muscle magazine...
But AGAIN, the hero alien shows up to ruin his day, as for some reason neither of them have been in the news or captured by the Guard and taken to Area 51 yet. But the good one might, since he gets injured by Talec amidst another series of major explosions.
Now we get a scene of Caine and Smith arguing with superiors over access to the crime scene, followed by another round of "measure the dick" between the two of them, before they go back to the car to notice the good alien, Azeck, is sitting in the back seat. He tells them he's an officer of the law, just like them, while bleeding chunks of white shit that doesn't seem to freak out the guys in the least.
As expected, Azeck has arrived to put a stop to Talec, an interstellar drug dealer after the most powerful illegal substance in the galaxy - endorphins. Since he's as ruthless as anyone on Earth when it comes to scoring his shit, Talec will kill whoever he has to in order to bring back the mother load.
He must be stopped, otherwise other interplanetary hair-band members will show up, wanting to spread their shitty musi- er... wanting to secure their own supplies of the drug, and it will be a... slaughter!!!
I guess the pun is intended.
So Azeck then explodes in a burst of light, and Smith managed to take his awesome-ass weapon before he and Caine ran from the vehicle. He makes off with it to hand it over to his superior, his new partner aware now that the FBI's only drive is to use contact with the aliens - as well as their stolen weaponry, of course - for military purposes.
Smith catches up with his superior like 30 seconds later, where he's told Caine will be eliminated due to what he knows. When Smith seems reluctant, the guy tries to shoot him, but super cop Caine has come to the rescue!
Now ready to kick some ass too, Smith joins Caine on a hunt for the Cinderella frontman. While investigating a possible escape passage, Talec shows up, using everything in his arsenal to try to destroy the men, until Smith makes good with Azeck's gun to prove a good match.
The freak runs off, but forgets his belt pack stuffed with the endorphin vials! The guys head back to Caine's apartment, where they meet up with Linda, and leave the place only to be met with more of the White Boys, who open fire on them all.
Smith uses the alien gun, there's a big explosion, the cops show up, the White Boys start a firefight, and in comes Talec!
We're now treated to a typical car chase scene, which of course has to include the whole crashing-in-of-some-public-area-you-can't-drive-through schtick. In this case, the busy sidewalk and a shopping mall. The bonus is also the fact that Talec chases them in a cop car, operating the vehicle as if he has a class-A license. Sigh...
The pursuing cops are killed, and Talec chases our gang through a warehouse of sorts, where he grabs Linda in a threat to do her harm if Caine doesn't hand over his shit. Smith, of course, has been knocked out, setting the stage for you-know-who to finish the job and come out the hero.
Caine starts smashing the vials, non-verbally communicating to Talec he'll lose everything if he doesn't drop Linda, his weapon, and keep his distance. Leaving the last of the vials on a control box, Talec throws his magic CD after him as Caine runs into the darkness, although our macho cop brought a surprise secret weapon - the stereo speaker.
Sneaking back out, Caine smashes him with a pipe, and the fight soon evolves into a tug of war with Talec's drug-injecting tube, which he uses to drag Caine all over the ground and up to him, like he's Scorpion from fuckin' Mortal Kombat...
But Caine twists the cord back on our bad alien, stabbing him with the thing, and Van-Damme-ing him right up against a protruding steel pipe, which impales the guy.
Talec: I come in peace!?
Caine: And you leave in pieces.
Shooting Talec one final time, the era of hair metal is destroyed as the alien explodes, with the reunified gang instantly reverting to normal, spouting generic everything's-gonna-be-o.k. quips regarding the need for a vacation, among other overused end-of-action-film topics. The lesson we take from all this after all? "Don't mess with Earf".
film (c) 1990 Vision International