Funniest Story I ever Heard

This story is 100% kind of true.

Theres this kid who lives down the block from me whose name is John. He is obsessed with the army so much that hes always in his backyard practicing and shit like rolling around on the ground with his toy gun.He only wears one type of clothes. Not nike or something normal like most 18 year olds, he only wears camoflauge. Hes been wearing camoflauge since he was probably born.Every time i see him, hes wearing camflauge head to toe. Even his fucking socks are camo. He did sign up for the marines so i cant say hes just a homo who practices drills in his backyard while his sisters kick his ass and rape him but hes still gay. He says things like "sup brah", "got heart problems but i still smoke.....weed and cigs", and shit along those lines.He says the type of things that make you just want to fucking rip this kids tongue out.You dont say like "Wow John get the fuck out here" or "John your a fuckin idiot", people just nod and say "Oh yea John". So John has fought this mexican black kid about 600 times.I am not exaggerating.They would fight about once a day, sometimes twice if they wanted to get in some extra. John lost every single time.There was even a time when John brought 2 of his friends and all 3 of them got there ass kicked. On that note, John has never won a fight. He was probably been in a world record amount of street fights but is about 0-1,000,000. It is pretty funny.He has actually never came close to winning a fight. My friend fought him one time and the fight consisted of John being thrown to the ground and just getting pummeled in the face. I told my friend chill your going to break his face, so my friend just unloaded on his ribs.Johns sisters later came at my friend with steak knives demanding some answers.His sisters would kick anyones ass in the world.They all got the fighting sperm and I guess that gene was left out for John. Well after fighting and getting his ass kicked 600 times by this kid D (i dont no his real name but thats what hes called) they become friends. Not just friends tho, like fuckin the best friends to ever strike the earth.They would walked around town together, smoke cigs together, fuck each other(just kidding but they may have), fuck deer together(this ones true) and just a whole bunch of shit good friends do. I guess they realized that after all of those times they fought, they never really got to no each other. So the kid D we find out was living in Johns backyard without John knowing. He basically set up camp underneath Johns porch in front of his house. Apparently D's parents kicked him out of the house after he punched a girl in the face. What a guy. Here comes the kicker to how fight 601 happens. I mean when i found this out, i basically died laughing. John one night decides hes going to do his special ops missions outside with his night vision goggles on. So hes outside rolling around like a fuckin retard when he gets to a bunker and he sees D. John is shocked but not surprised because as you know, they are great friends. But D is not sleeping and D is not alone.Hes not like with a girl or like one of Johns sisters or mom which would make this story funny yet a little normal.Nope D is outside and he is sucking Johns dogs dick. Now here comes the best part as if D sucking this kids dogs dick is not enough. Johns dog died about 3 months ago after it fell down the stairs.D must have dug the dog up and just decided what the fuck, i could go for some hot dog dick. So John sees this kid sucking his dead dogs dick in his backyard and is just in shock.Of course, they fight.Youd think that after seeing this kid blowing his dead dog that hed have enough fuel in his fire to win this time.He doesnt and John gets his ass kicked. D leaves and finds a new place to stay.

Its all true except how John catches D. I decided to spice up the story a little. But can you fucking imagine if this was all true. I mean holy fuck.

Uploaded 06/17/2008
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Tags: funny story john