Here We Go..... After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles." He who laughs last didn't get it. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. A. Whitney Brown "Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway." - Joey Adams "One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." -George W. Bush  Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button. There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? The road to success is always under construction. Son, employees are like mules. Some you stand in front of and coax them along with a carrot. Some you stand behind and kick them in the ass. The key to managemeant is knowing which mules are which. In God we trust; all others must pay cash. Note - The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key. It's 11PM, do you know where your pants are? Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'? What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million. Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.  Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz  The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped. Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected! The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.