Epilogue, I guess.
Its 5:00 in the morning, Im bored out of my mind and more than slightly intoxicated. You know what that means (in my fucked up pathetic mind). Its blogging time! What ever should I write about? I say to myself, smoking a shitty 7/11 cigarillo, occasionally taking a sip from my flask and fiddling with my adorable Beretta 92fs (calm the fuck down, its unloaded). Well, more realistically, in my fucked up state mind you, my personal monologue rings to the tune of, What.what the fuckin fuck.shit man Im bored, what the fuck should I.oh yeah blog, all the while trying not to burn myself with my own tobacco and occasionally wiping spilt rum off my chest. Ah yes, the blog. Hmmwhat to write about. Beer sounds really good about now, in my defense I havent had one in an hour, and one would really hit the spot right about.NO stoppit! Must focus on this blog thingy. You can do this Barrett, you dont need alcoholwell, a beer would really help with the writers block, and besides you know how much you like STOPPIT DAMN YOU. Focus on the sweet melody of Lighting Hopkins, and the blog topic of course. You know what goes good with blues? Good whiskey. Whiskey sounds good right now doesnt it Barrett? a voice rings out in my head. Alright, imma need you to shut the fuck up, I say to myself. Gotta find a topic from this blog thing, I say to myself as I fiddle my pistol. AHA, Ive got it! My pistol! Theres a topic! And so here I go blog number 2.
Hey, Guns need love too!
*DISLCAIMER* This one's pretty long too. Mah bad
Now, I dont know if this is purely a southern Californian phenomenon, but people down here really love to hate guns. All guns of all sizes, colors, calibers, and types. From .22lrs to 50 bmgs, Southern Californians seem to have an instinctual hatred of these metallic mechanisms. And here lies my dilemma; I love guns, absolutely love the fuckers. Ive have yet to be convinced of a better stress reliever than a good lager, a good semi automatic, and a couple helpless watermelons to massacre. And yet, everywhere I go, from my college campus, to my pathetically plastic suburban town, filled to the brim with every Valley-Californian cliché you could possibly imagine, Im chastised dare I express my innocent love of these beautiful lead throwers. In the coming of age hell that was my Catholic High school, the negative attitudes towards my little hobby of shooting these fun, metal companions was most easily recognizable. Upon expressing my love for shooting, a surprising number of students refused to even look to me let alone talk to me. I shit you not; people discarding my existence as a human being because of a hobby. And when news got out that I was training for Marine NROTC, apathy turned to pure, unbridled hatred through the ranks of these self-righteous peers. To them, the mere fact that I liked to shoot made me some kind of uncivilized barbarian; the knowledge that I even owned such evil firearm contraptions made me a psychopath (Ive never even purchased a firearm. Every gun I own was willed to me by my late Grandfather on the Black side of my family. May the huge, bear-like, jolly motherfucker rest in peace). No, my good intentions did not register with these fine specimens of financial excess, arrogance, and unwarranted sense of importance. To them I was just another thing contributing to the ignorance of this country.
Why do you need to own a gun?!, was the most frequent inquiry from these self righteous monkeys. What a stupid fuckin question. You dont really need anything, besides a place to sleep, food, water, and air. I dont need guns, I just like them. Why do you need the latest Macintosh gadget, cool car, or mocha frapa crapa chino, you idiocy addict?, I would think to myself. Sadly however (more like pathetically), I would just respond with a forced smile, saying theyre just fun. I look at marksmanship as a sport. I aint hurting anybody. God, why do I find the need to be nice to everybody, let alone these people? Frankly, some people deserve a knife in the gut. Guess I dont like to deal with the drama; maybe thats just an excuse for weakness, a fear of confrontation. But why? Most of the people that have a problem with me are the sickly vegan, liberal arts types; you know the type. Look like they havent had a good meal in a decade, and havent learned the humbling, and all important life lesson of repeated punches to ones face. Gotten through life on Daddys pay check and Mommys attorney; on a desperate journey to destroy the Man. The every present geist of corruption, arrogance, ignorance, and excess; the same being that spawned them. I dont know, sometimes I think the only thing keeping me from beating these hateful insects to a bloody pulp is good tobacco and a beer. I wonder if these self-loathing prawns knew the only thing separating my well needed fist from one of their faces was a sip from my flask and cigarette. But here I am thinking too much and getting off topic. When I think too much about this kinda thing it just makes me depressed; makes me drink more. Back on topic.
And of course, the gun control argument would spring up. If guns were banned, America would be such a better place. By owning a gun, youre just contributing to violence. This argument is laughable; do these people think about the stupid shit they spew from their mouths? Now, Im no gun nut, I do see the validity to some gun control ideas. Nobody needs a fuckin 50 cal. machine gun for self defense. But the whole notion of lets just ban all guns and gun crime will be decreased is mind boggling to me. Gun control only applies to people that follow said gun control law. That being, responsible citizens. However, responsible gun owners arent the main contributors to gun crime; criminals are. Lets say all guns were banned in the US. The only people who would give up their guns would be respectful citizens. So what? Responsible gun owners werent the problem in the first place. Do you think that criminals would give a shit about breaking the law and keeping their guns despite the ban? Fuck no, theyre criminals. If some gang banger motherfucker is gunna commit murder, do you really think hes gunna give a shit about a gun control law? Come on now, this is common sense. Now lets give these chimps some more leeway for their ideas. Lets say that, magically, all guns in the US just disappeared. So what? Criminals would just get their guns from Canada or Mexico. If people can smuggle drugs or shit, even people, into America, you dont think they could smuggle guns into this country? Gun violence might become harder to commit, but it sure as hell wont stop. Now lets go all twilight zone in this bitch. Lets just say, the UN gets together and says, OK guys, NO guns, at all! Ok guys, no gunsready? GO! and every government of every nation in the entire world collects every gun and destroys them. No guns at all, ever. Then what? We will just kill each other with just about everything else at hand; swords, knives, bats, crowbars, clubs, pipes, bricks, rocks, fuckin TVs. If you really wanted to kill somebody, you could get pretty damn imaginative. Hell, I bet I could kill somebody with a condom if I was really dead set on killin the motherfucker (you know, block his wind pipe or strangle the motherfucker with it like a piece of piano wire). Now, Im no historian, but I know people have been killing the shit out of each other since the dawn of time without so much as gunpowder, let alone a gun.
The problem I have with these new age types Im cursed with living with is that they arent rooted in reality. They are fervently clambering to the idea that somehow everyone can embrace each other in peace and happiness. They are pushing for a new age of knowledge and acceptance and yet they are some of the most ignorant and intolerant people Ive met. Guess what, Homo sapiens like to kill each other. We always have and we always will. Were just monkeys that watch TV, wear clothes, and have strange notions of an invisible man in the sky; thats it. The sooner you accept that, the more common sense will flock to your primal mammalian mind. Violence is rooted in our DNA, and from a survival standpoint it a lot makes sense. Lets say theres two monkeys. Monkey 1 has no bananas, Monkey 2 has 50 bananas. Now, Monkey 1 could spend a whole week collecting 50 bananas, or he could pick up a stick, beat Monkey 2 to death, take his bananas, and fuck Monkey 2s female monkey for the hell of it, why not? Considering the options, what the fuck do you think Monkey 1 is going to do. The defenseless and weak minded need peace of mind and validity for their self righteous existence. They cannot except how fragile and trivial their lives are. Deep down in their subconscious minds, they know that they themselves (the primal nature of the homo sapien species) are the basis of their fear, and to expunge themselves of this fear, they would have to get rid of themselves. But their lives are apparently too important, so theyd never get rid of themselves. So to give themselves a false notion of security they attack the next best scapegoat, guns and weapons. Take away the weapons and everything will be ok right? .right? Though the gun isnt the thing they should fear. The people around them are the ones these chimps should fear. Guns dont kill people, people do. The human mind is the real weapon, not the steel or the lead.
Wow. Sorry guys. I meant this blog to be kind of funny, but it all too quickly spiraled into anger and hatred (admittedly, like most of my thoughts). Guess the booze wore off; without some kind of intoxication, my free roaming ideas too easily expose the heartless Jackal that is my thought process. Hmmm the Jackal. Maybe thats what Ill nickname the cruel asshole in my head. Well anyway, hope you enjoyed the read, and hope you know that deep down I have good intentions. Goodnight. Shitits 8 oclock. Wellgood morning everybody.