Happy Valentines Day Ebaums

While I sit here dreading tonight when I have to spend money just to make a chick happy on this most bullshittiest of days, I look back on a happier time and my favorite Valentines day of all.

So back in the day, I'm a happy single strapping young man with nothing but a bright future ahead of himself nor a care in the world.  I laughed at people who had to make plans for Valentines day, because it was the first time in a few years I was single on the day and didn't have to think about shit.  I didn't have to be "romantic" and pay for my girlfriend to have sex with me, because lets be honest... you spend a bunch of money to make her feel special so she can one up her friends when they talk, and in turn she lets you sex her guilt free which hasn't happened since you first started dating.  She's almost turned into a prostitute for the night. 

Twas a beautiful, sunny day in Los Angles.  Warm enough to not need a hoodie, but cool enough to not piss me off.  The smog was a beautiful brownish/yellow color that day.  I was driving to a store to grab something for work.  Not a regular store, but that's not important and to be honest I have no idea why I said that.  What's done is done so lets just move on.....

Having purchased the items in need from said, not regular store, I got in my car and was on my way, totally unaware as to the events that were about to transpire.  I pull up to a stop sign right out of the parking lot.  Being that I am a top notch driver, I checked both directions more than once.  That's right, I obey all posted signs and laws.  Needing to make a left turn I check the traffic to my right...then to my left, back to the right.  Then I look left again, but before I can even let off the brake a crazy homeless man on a bike comes smashing into the hood of my car.  I see him hit, and he literally flips over the hood.  The crazy thing is though... his head stayed in one place, as he flipped.  Like it was suspended in mid air and his body rotated from the force. Life briefly moved in slow motion, and we made eye contact through the entire flip.  Time was now back to normal as he came crashing to the concrete hitting his elbow and his head.  I put the car in park and got out to see if he was okay.  At first he got up and made a move at me like he wanted to fight.  I almost gave him a cross to the dome, which I would have felt terrible doing, but it would have had to be done.  Homeless or not, if you make a move natural reaction is going to be to hit him.  He snapped out of his short lived rage and started dusting himself off.  I asked if he was alright and he said he was.  I guess he didn't notice all of the missing skin on his arms and feet.  He told me I needed to look where I was going, which basically confused me since I was not moving at the time of impact.  He went to get on his bike but it was pretty much broken.  I felt bad for the guy.  Not only am I a top notch driver, I am also a top notch human being, so I told him to throw the bike in my trunk and we will go get him a new one. 

On the way to the bike store he began instructing me on how to drive.  I had to fight the urge to set him straight on a few of the bike laws, like don't ride on the sidewalk, and if you slightly turn the handlebars to the right, you can avoid hitting parked cars.  But I let him talk instead.  We find a store full of bikes.

We go in and first check to see if they could fix his old bike.  They basically could for more money than I want to spend on a new one so I tell him to pick one out.  In a strange way, this might have been one of the better moments of my life in a long time.  The way he was kicking the tires and pushing each bike back and forth, to test them out.  How serious he was taking this.  I felt like I was really helping the dude out, even though if I wouldn't have been there in the first place he wouldn't need a new bike at all.  He picked one out.  A nice mountain bike, used but much better than the pile of shit he was riding before.  I asked him if he was positive this was the one and he said yes.  I payed  for it.  Came out to about $117, cause the guy gave us a deal.  We put the new bike in my trunk and drive back to the spot where the accident happened. 

As I stop I ask where he was going and he tells me the liquor store.  Shoulda known.  Feeling extra generous I go in and buy him not one, but two Mickeys 40's.  As we get ready to go our separate ways he tells me, "Well, as long as you learned something from this...."  I didn't really get the lesson I was supposed to have learned, being as I was as stopped as humanly possible, but whatever.  He reaches out his hand and we shake.  His last words spoken to me as we shake hands,

 "Happy Valentines Day." 

Here is a photo of the exact spot of the incident. 


Uploaded 02/14/2012
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