High school students suck

I was in high school in the mid 80s.  I hung around with a variety of social groups.  I hung around with the jocks because I played football.  I hung around with the nerds because I was in AP science classes.  I hung around with the smoking section because I did drugs.  I hung around with the punks because I listened to Sex Pistols and Dead Kennedys.  I was versitile. 

The only crowd that I didn't really associate with was the "pretty people who were ultra popular."  I had no interest in designer clothes (very popular in the 80s).  I got my hair cut at a barber, not a stylist.  I just wasn't interested.  Sometimes the popular people's shennanigans was irritating to me.

All of the cheerleaders in my high school and their friends starting wearing the same shirt every Friday.  It was a Polo style shirt with the monogram "LAGRAPS '86" over their right boob.  They'd hang around in groups so that you would be sure to notice that they matched.  You just knew they were dying for you to ask them about it.  Finally I gave in.

"Hey, what's the deal with your shirts?"

I got a coy reply, "what do you mean?"

I played along, "what's LAGRAPS '86?"

"Oh... it means 'Let's All Get Radical And Party Seniors '86.'"

I thought that was the gayest thing I'd ever heard.  Four close friends and I decided to make our own shirts.  We got oversized green hospital scrubs and marked "FYUTA '86" in Sharpie on the backs and on the right side of the chest.

One of the LAGRAPS ring leaders came up to us first thing the next Friday, visibly annoyed that we were "copying" them.

"What's the deal with your shirts?"

"Why whatever do you mean?"

"You know, what's FYUTA '86 supposed to mean?"

"Oh... it means 'Fuck You Up The Ass '86.'"

It was perfect.  We were laughing our asses off.  We walked around the halls and gave a smile, wave, and a hearty "FYUTA" to everybody we saw wearing a LAGRAPS shirt. 

I got called out of first period with a note saying I was to report to the office.  When I walked in my four friends in FYUTA shirts were already there, waiting in the VP's office.  Our Vice Principal was really smooth.  He congenially talked about Dallas Cowboys football with us for about ten minutes and then, like it was just part of the casual conversation said, "Oh, by the way, what does FYUTA stand for?"

All four of my friends turned to look at me.  Fuck... I had nothing.  Was I really going to have to say "fuck you up the ass" to the vice principal?  After a five second pause, it came to me.  "Oh... it means 'Future Yuppies UT Austin '86.'"

It was all I could do not to stand up and start dancing and high fiving my friends.  It was a spur of the moment slam dunk of wit.  One of my shining moments.  We were still invited not to wear them to school anymore because people "might get the wrong idea about them."

Uploaded 09/26/2009
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