Some jack asses have had some pretty interesting, yet stupid ways to get out of the Army. Here are some of them:
A guy was walking around all day when he was on duty pretending to ride an imaginary motorcycle. He got up from his desk and pretended to get on his motorcycle. Then he would pretend to grab the handle bars and went through all the motions of riding a motorcycle, he even made engine sounds.
He did this everywhere he went every day.
Eventually people thought he was insane. They sent him to the psyche ward and had him evaluated.
The Doctors said he was crazy and he needs to be discharged.
As soon as the Colonel signed his paperwork to let him out of the Army, he continued to ride his fake motorcycle out the door and Ten feet down the sidewalk. Then he put down his imaginary kickstand and dismounted his motorcycle and left it there on the sidewalk and walked away happy.
As he walked away, he said, “I guess I don’t need you anymore!”
The Second guy pretended to play basket ball all day long. He pretended he had a basketball and he ran around the office pretending to bounce his fake basketball and shoot baskets. He would sometimes even pretend to be a sports announcer.
He took a shot and yelled stuff like, “He shoots, he scores! And the crowd goes wild! Yeah!
Then he pretended to be a cheerleader. He yelled out, “Give me an M! Give me an I……….” Spelling his whole first name: Mike.
They sent him to the psyche ward to and they suggested discharging him because he was crazy.
He got to the Colonel’s office and put his imaginary basketball on her desk.
The colonel signed the papers to get him out and he turned around and started to walk out the door.
The Colonel said, “Excuse me Mr. Smith, aren’t you forgetting your basketball?”
He said, “Nope! I don’t need it any more. Game over!”
The third guy told the Commander he was gay.
The Commander just happened to know a guy that really was gay. That guy agreed to come into the base and help out.
The Commander had everyone in the company come out and watch. He had his gay friend get in front of everyone and told that soldier to prove he really was gay. He told him to kiss the other guy and he will be able to get out of the Army.
So this soldier gave the gay guy a quick peck on the lips.
The Commander said, “Oh no, that is not good enough. I want you to give him a good, long kiss and give him some tongue action and everything! Come on, if you are gay, you should be really used to kissing guys.”
This soldier looked at the guy and cringed for a second, then he said, “I don’t really want out that bad!”
So he could not get out of the Army.