Humor West Jet Airlines

to prevent flight safety lectures from getting boring,  West Jet Airlines do what they can to make them a little more interesting. here are some actual examples that have been heard or reported:
on West Jet Airlines there is no assigned seating(you just sit where you want) and customers were apparently having a hard time choosing. the pilot's voice came on the loudspeaker:"people, people, we aren't picking furniture here. find a seat and get in it!"
"as you leave, please make sure you have gathered all your belongings. if you are going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
"in the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. if you have a small child trabeling with you, secure their mask before assisting with yours. if you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."
"weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. thank you and remember, nobody loves you or your money more than West Jet Airlines."
"your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
"as you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. please do not leave children or spouses."
and from the pilot duing his welcome message: "West Jet Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight."
heard on West Jet Airlinesjust after a very hard landing in Edmonton: the flight attendant came on the intercom and said," that was quite a bump and i know what y'all are thinking. i'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
"i hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
overheard on a West Jet Airlines flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the flight attendant said, "ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Regina. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "we ask you to please remain seated while captain kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
an airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. the airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and "thanks for flying our airline". he said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. finally everyone had gotten off except for an old lady walking with a cane. she said, "sir, do you mind if i ask you a question?"
"why, no, ma'am," said the pilot. "what is it?"
the little old lady said, "did we land, or were we shot down?"
after a real crusher of a landing in Halifax, the attendant came on with, "ladies and gentleman, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. and, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "we'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. and, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of West Jet Airways."
heard on a West Jet Airline flight. "ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
a plane was taking off from the Winnipeg Airport. after it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to flight 293, nonstop from Winnipeg to Montreal. the weather is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. now sit back and relax...OH MY GOD!" silence followed and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "ladies and gentlemen, i am so sorry if i scared you earlier. while i was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee on my lap. you should see the front of my pants!" a passenger in coach yelled, "that's nothing. you should see the back of mine!"
Uploaded 06/13/2008
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