I hate her

Ive got lots of anger right now, more than usual, and i need to get a few things off my mind. im tired of being sad, depressed, and feeling useless. from the beginning i knew, but hoped i was wrong, that it would end this way. i gave her my heart and my soul and my life. i suppose it wasnt enough. for the first 3-4 years things were great, we got along better than forrest and jenny. the truest form of love i had ever known, and with my personality it was the only love i had ever known. im not an emotional guy to begin with but i gave it all to her. 2010 was the beginning of the end. my sister had moved in with us and it put alot of stress on our relationship. having to choose sides wasnt hard for me, i chose my wife. i kicked my sister out to keep the wife happy. my car broke down in february  and i worked non-stop til june to make the money i needed to fix it. i ended up buying a CRX to drive while the accord was out of commission. i continued to work 6-7 days a week, bringing home at least $2500 after taxes each month. more than enough to pay the bills. i let work get in the way of our relationship and i wouldnt have if i knew what the result would be. no amount of money is worth the pain i have felt over the past month. in november i was given the chance to work out of town, 7 days a week, 12 hrs a day for 6 weeks. that looked like 11 grand to me. when i told her about it she said, "you have the kind of job where you need to be single". i took it as a joke, she wasnt kidding. i drove to greenville not expecting to come back til christmas. it wasnt to long after i left that she started getting close to a guy she works with. late nights, long calls, text messages. her attention had been taken by this new guy, and like all new things it was exciting and fun, not like the stable relationship we had built over the past 6 years. id call her at least twice a day and she always kept it short. i should have wondered. i had the chance to come home for thanksgiving but it was to late by then, i just didnt know it. by the time i came back in early december (we finished ahead of schedule), it was all but over between us. she had been cheating on me for weeks and there was no love left in her eyes. i should have known. it took 3 days for the bomb to drop. hours after i had paid all the bills and bought a ps3 she told me just enough to let me know it was over. not the whole truth, i had to force that out of her over the next few weeks which only made the break-up process harder and more painful. i dont know what else to say, i just know that it hurts more than i ever thought possible. i love her so much that i hate her.
Uploaded 01/15/2011
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