Remember SimGirl?

It's that game where you have to get naughty Tomoko into bed in 100 days by taking the snotty bitch on expensive dates to the moon and by buying her the same ugly necklace at the mall again and again and again.

Then, if you don't get your ass kicked by the rapist mugger who turns up on the date, she'll let you kiss her ONCE before she gets pissed off and then she'll give you a puzzle piece. Collect all the pieces and you can see her naked.

Of course, to go on these dates, you had to have money... lots and lots of money, and you could only get money by teaching school, selling Japanese electronics, or by selling drugs. Selling drugs got you the most cash fast, but you also wound up in jail a lot and wasted days where you could have been building up brain points (by studying), muscle points, (by working out) or charm points (by getting drunk). That skank just wouldn't go out with you unless you were buff and tanked.

Once in a while you had to call her too, but that was okay - it used up those last 5 health points that you always seemed to have at the end of the day. And you had to ask her questions and pay attention to the answers, cause she'd test you on dates, and man oh man, did her happy-meter nosedive if you couldn't remember where her dad worked or what her favourite song was. If she really liked you, she'd let you come and visit and you could dress her up in slutty litttle outfiits with bunny ears.

The old version of SimGirl (that I first played on Ebaumsworld, actually) was awesome. What I described to you was the entire game. You either got lucky or you didn't. Unfortunately, you can't get this game anymore - all you can get is the new version, which was never finished and which sucks big time. There are also knock-offs, like an Elf SimGirl, which is kinda interesting for about 30 minutes, then it gets old - the characters are too bitchy.

In the new version, there's this big long intro about how you're a loser and your future self sends some space version of Xena back to shoot you up with some kind of stud juice to make you sexy or whatever. There are also two other girls who are pretty hot and the game makes it look like you can choose which one you want to boink. (It even has a slight romance thread between you and your babe-ilicious best friend, which comes to nothing, of course, because the game was never finished.)

Instead of working out for three seconds, now and then, and chugging beers, the new game makes you compete in a swimming match against some gay-looking dude, who's the school hottie and who is after Tomoko. It's stupid, hard, and keeps you away from doing other things, like dealing drugs to make money to take Tomoko to the top of a mountain to get a freaking puzzle piece.

The new game could have been interesting, but as I said, THE GAME WAS NEVER FINISHED! It just replaced the old one everywhere on the net, which sucks, cause I miss the old SimGirl. :(