Dear Walt,
There's this beautiful redhead in one of my college classes. She seems particularly "stuck-up," doesn't really associate with anyone and generally seems to be very aloof. The university I go to is generally very "clique-oriented," where everyone knows everyone else. My question is, how do I break the bubble with this chick without her giving me a raised eyebrow, and what can I do to follow up on getting her interested in me? - Red Hot

Dear RH,
I don't know what you mean by "clique oriented", but I suggest you stay away from French pornograms. I believe this Native American woman (I prefer not to use the term "redhead" as it is offensive) being "stuck-up" and "aloof" makes it quite evident that she needs your help. I am quite surprised that it took you (or anyone for that matter) so long to notice. I suggest you get off your derrière (pardon my French) and get her down from wherever she is hanging. Perhaps you may wish to burst the bubble that is keeping her cocoon in stasis on the ceiling. I would not recommend immediately going after a succubus, as those initial relationships often get dirty. Perhaps after she has mated with a few lesser individuals, she may have lost her bloodlust by this point. At this point, I would suggest you try using one of the following guaranteed succubus conversation phrase starters:

1. Dracula was such a misleading book... What do you think?

2. You look so familiar. Didn't we meet at Lisa's coed naked lawn-bowling party?

3. I noticed you having sex with (name somebody in your class) while he was sleeping in the dorm. It's funny, we have a lot in common...

4. I have this thing on my neck, would you like to have a look at it?

5. I quite enjoy the brocadery on your bustle skirt... It is very flowing and velvety... Where did you get it?

Hope that helps.

Love, Professor Genius

For more great advice, please peruse my blog at professorgenius.blogspot.com