So tonight my my family and my brother's girlfriend went out for dinner and my brother was being such an asshole.

When we got to the restaurant he was all like "Hey, your shirts too small." 

So then I replied, "Well your dicks probably too small."  (I wouldnt really know though... Ive never seen his dick... Im not into the whole incest thing)

But anyways, this made everyone laugh and we had a jolly good time and I could see it made my brother very uncomfortable.

So then, a little while later, my brother goes "Hey, why do you wear that necklace?" (I wear a leather necklace with a small eagle on it... what?   Its stylish)

SO then I replied "Hey, why is your dick so small?"  And again everyone laughed and we had a jolly good time.  But my brother was clearly becoming aggravated at my ability to outwit him.

So then, my brother says "Hey, why dont you get a girlfriend?"  (I dont have a girlfriend right now... and to be honest, I cant afford a fucking girlfriend right now.   If youre one of those people who believes that youre a loser if you dont have someone else that leeches on to you 24 hours a day, you seriously need to grow the fuck up.  Being a bachelor rocks)

So then, I replied, "Hey, why dont you get a bigger dick?" 

And we all laughed, and had a jolly good time. 

But all that aside... what does my brother need to feel so fucking insecure around me whenever his girlfriend is around?  Whenever shes not here, hes always cool...  or at least, tolerable... much easier to ignore. 

But the minute she sits down at the table with us, he has to TRY (key word here is try... he always fails) to point out every tiny fault I have just to make himself feel better. 

What an ass.