For the record, I do believe in a supreme being, not some man in the sky who squishes our heads if we should be tempted into immoral acts. To me it's more of a collective consciousness that exists within the minds of individuals. I know, it sounds like bullshit and I'm not going to bore you with it.



Instead I will write about my experience talking with the most advanced mind the world has ever offered.  This is of course my dog.  He is a beagle blend with a keen mind, sharp wit and almond shapes eyes that melt as well as strengthen the heart.  Everything he says, is pure truth and every moment I spend with him in deep discussion results in an epiphany.  By the way, his name is Scout. Spelled backwards is Tuocs.  From the Urban Dictionary : 
Word known to be used by secret members of secret homosexual societies for identifiation of fellow members. 



It's mainly used as a substitue for the practice of secret handshakes when no such physical contact is possible. After reading Keldon's blog denouncing the existence of God, my wife came to me like an angel and removed my tired ass from the computer to do more "Important business".  



I took the time to discuss the findings of my fellow colleague with him.  The first question, if God loves us so much,  why would he damn us to hell for not believing in him?  Scout sniffed my face, became somewhat nervous and licked his neutered penis.  Of course!  The answer came to me immediately. Scout made the analogy, "If you love me so much, then why did you cut off my nuts"?Brilliant, I do love him and yet I did to him what I would never do to any man.  I did this horrendous act based on my belief that by cutting off his nuts would make for a better world.  He doesn't roam the hood unleashed, so it's not like he is going to knock up some bitches. If  he still had his balls attached he could do like me and hump a pillow. Shit that pouch can lick his own balls. I'm sure he could have found some sexual relief that way.  
 

Second question. If you love something, why would you torture it?  Scout became agitated and started to nip his hind leg as though it had flees. Aw, yes my wise pet I see what you are saying. Like fleas the family here teases you with treats to goad you into jumping up and down, rolling around and jumping over furniture for some freeze dried fish gut treat.  You work so hard, we laugh so heartily as you so foolishly follow our prompt. Yes, we do love you, like God loves children and drunks. 


Third question.  Just because I am not a member of the human race, I am deemed unsuitable for eternal happiness, based on a lack of  "Understanding".  At this point, Scout jumped down from the sofa and gestured his desire to go into  the back yard. Did he have enough of my simple mind and wished to escape my hold?  No, not at all. I observed him carefully, I knew he would not let me down. At first, he pissed on my flower pots then took a big dump in the middle of the lawn. When done he looked right into my eyes hoping to see a glimmer of understanding. 
I have to admit I did struggle with this one.


 Why would I exclude Scout from eternal happiness just because he is not a member of the human race? Then it hit me like a brick shit house.  It was not I who was excluding him from eternal happiness. It was in fact I who was denying myself of this overwhelming relief.  For what greater, long lasting happiness exists,  compared to  taking a dump on the lawn of those who have master over me and then it is they who pick it up, lest they step in it. 


For those who need a visual to understand my point, I present the following: