insomnia... im just sitting here, thinking of what could have been, the dreams i had as a kid, and why im stuck here at my parents house again... i thought i could handle any drug withdrawls didnt fuck with me, i always had a steady supply of weed and valium, so basically i could just sleep it off.
Then a new drug came to town. Heroin. it was like nothing i ever tried before maybe because it was cheaper than oc and its smokable, and beleive me, i tried it all. I even prided myself on how many drugs i could mix in a single evening. I guess everyone has their preferences but heroin was evrything i wanted out of any drug i ever tried it was amazing how i could talk to women, get jobs, pretty much talk my way into or out of anything.I really did, and i know this sounds corney. But i really did feel like superman. Its not long before you have to do alot just to feel normal but by then it is too late, See nobody told me about heroin withdrawls or how it affects your brain. it takes you to the top. but just for a visit. The rest of the time you are at the bottom of the bottom you steal. lie. bully. fight. all for this stupid fucking chemical that shouldnt exist at all but alas, it does. and what does it do to your brain well it reprograms it to think heroin is more important than food or water. your brain tell you that if you dont have it, you will die. and it feels like your going to. so began my 4 year struggle heroin. And let me tell you, the drugs dont drive you crazy, its how people treat you that fucks you up, every time i tried to quit there was alwasy some jackass running around telling all my new freinds how i fucked up and what i did while i was on or trying to acquire this drug. and then people would treat me like a fucking junkie even when i was weening myself off like using once a month. then inevitably some other jackass will try to prove himslef to the pack by fighting you or stealing from u or some other shit and simply because you do these drugs, it becomes ok to treat you like an animal or some type of lower human being. and this will lead to furtherdrug abuse and serious relapses. people dont realize that yes, at first its a choice but if you grew up with low self esteem, being abused by your parents and extended family, or some other fucked up thing you have no control over, these drugs provide such a release. you feel for the first time in your life. you feel normal. not angry all the time or shy or anything like that. it really lets you perform to the best of your abilities simply becasue there is no stress weighing you down. but it isnt long before the drug changes your brains chemistry and you literally need the drug, just like you get hungry and absent mindedly walk to the fridge even if there no food, if you have no dope, your brain just sends you on your way. and you are literally a slave to your own fucked up nightmare. So to all you people who think about doing heroin regularly. and you think your to badass to be affected by it take it from someone who has been there before. just let it pass by.