Love, Cesar

Dear Lindsay,  

  I was your best friend in high school. I was always there when you needed a shoulder to cry on.  I always listened to you bitch about your boy problems.  How they mistreated you.  How they used you.  How you wished you could find a nice guy like me; a guy that would treat you with respect; a guy that knew how smart you were, how beautiful you were, and how funny you were; a guy that you could be yourself around.  I finally decided I would tell you how I felt.  How I was head over heels, butterflies in the belly, willing to do anything "in love with you".  You held my hand and kissed my cheek and destroyed my world with a single sentence, "Cesar we are best friends, but I don't love you that way."    

   I was able to concede that.  I couldn't make you love me any more than I could stop loving you.  I respected our relationship enough to bury my feelings and continue to be your best friend.  I still took your late night phone calls in college.  I still listened to you cry about your problems.  I listened when you called me drunk and said, "Maybe I made a mistake, baby.  Maybe I do love you.  You are so sweet to me."  Then two weeks later on summer break, you tell me you were just drunk and you have a new boyfriend.  I listened to all that and still remained your best friend.  When you went to Europe during your senior year, I wrote to you once a week for seven months.  You wrote me three times Lindsay.  I was going through some problems and I needed my best friend.  You weren't there for me like I had been for you all the years before.  How is that supposed to make me feel?  It makes feel like a stupid, abused dog; loyal beyond what is healthy for me.  To deal with all my problems I began working out, losing weight, and getting healthy.  For the first time in my life, I look good and I feel good.   

   Today you came over and saw me for the first time.  You made several comments on how "hot" I look.  You said you would like to go out to dinner and the movies.  You said we should start hanging out more.  You said maybe we should talk about what our feelings are for each other.  How am I supposed to react to that Lindsay?  I think I'm busy tonight Lindsay...

Love, Cesar 

Uploaded 01/18/2010
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