Matt Maiorano Blog Template

[Preface with seemingly unrelated topic, but turns out to be related in the end]

[Put words in your mouth that makes you, the reader, seem that much more awesome and aloof than you actually are; Predict what you're wondering about previous statement, even though I know I'm probably wrong, but you won't tell me I'm wrong because what you were actually thinking was ten times more lame than I actually said, therefore you are more inclined to accept what I was saying about you because you want to believe it, but at the same time you also want to point out how wrong I am resulting in a moral dilemma that will continue to nag at you until you read the next sentence]

[Add extra empty paragraphs to make sure nobody thinks my writing is too cluttered]

[Proceed with seemingly unrelated background information about myself/friends/family/dildo that explains how my life's experiences brought me to the point in my story]

Either way, [add observation about the flaws of college freshmen/old people/myself/blacks]

[Merciless self-bashing that makes you, the reader, feel that much better about yourself]

[Point out that we have arrived at the main point of the post, thus removing any anxiety the reader might be experiencing]

[Extra empty paragraphs]


[Take on a serious tone describing a seemingly mundane situation that will undoubtably take a turn for the worst and become an extraordinary caper]

[I'm in quite a pickle. I must figure out what must be done to resolve the situation, while still maintaining my wacky demeanor]


[Feel-good ending using a line that leads you, the reader, to believe I got my ass kicked/the conflict was not resolved and has become impossibly worse/I'm an idiot/I lost my job as a result of these zany antics/I lost any and all possible chance of having sex/I had no chance of losing my virginity because I am a homosexual/I will soon engage in a masturbatory act and fall asleep soon after in a tear-soaked pillow]

Uploaded 06/11/2008
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