Recently I was going through a box of old papers and came across several of the strange and funny prank faxes that I sent to a friend during a particularly boring month at work. The following is another sample of one of those faxes. If people like these I will share more.
SENT VIA FAX URGENT
To D. Paul, Admin Manager, AAA Heating & AC Ltd.
Fr: Dr. G. Ustinkman, North York Medical Center
Re: Lab Test Results (PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL)
Dear Mr. Paul,
While we do not as a practice contact patients by fax, your refusal to return our calls has left us with no choice but to contact you in this manner.
Please be informed that your rectal mucus swab test showed positive for the Genital Herpies HSV virus. In addition, your blood test show a positive result for Gonnorea, Chlamydia, Syphilis and Hepatitis C, D and probably E! I can also confirm that my visual examine of your rectum and genital area shows the presence of genital warts and Pthirus Pubis (pubic hair lice / crabs).
Mr. Paul, you are an extremely contagious person and your failure to seek immediate medical treatment places any person in your proximity at an extreme risk of infection.
It is certainly not our place to judge your lifestyle and how you came to acquire this cocktail of disgusting and perverted sexually transmitted diseases. We only want to help you get better and avoid an outbreak by your fellow employees and friends.
It is imperative that you seek immediate medical attention Mr. Paul. I hope to hear from you by the end of today. If you do not contact our office immediately, we will pass your file to the Federal Department of Infectious Desease Control for further action.
God save you and all that come in contact with you.
Dr. G. Ustinkman, MD.