I never have posted a drunk blog. I just don't drink that often. When I do drink, I rarely do it to excess. I do, however, smoke weed on occasion. Now that I have legal, ready access to some insanely potent weed (as of tonight) I'm kind of in a state that's as close to drunk blogging as I'll likely get.

I enjoyed my visits to the two dispensaries that I visited tonight. They were both clean, well managed, and run with an obvious attention to customer service. The people who advise and distribute the weed are referred to as 'budtenders.' That still cracks me up. They both knew their shit, were obviously totally sober, and used gloves to handle the weed. They use microscopes on the weed when it's delivered to ensure there's no mold or other contaminant. Since I had a temporary license, I had a little paperwork to do when I got there. I had time to talk to the staff and owner/operator of both establishments.

There is a waiting room in front. This is where the unlicensed must loiter while us initiated can go in the back room to get supplies. There's a receptionist, security cameras, and a security guard. In the nice one, I had to be buzzed in both to enter and to go into the back room. Like I said, both establishments had displayed business licenses and were clearly professional.

In the second (and nicer) dispensary (that's closest to my house) had a manager/owner that had some pretty severe birth defects. From the neck up, he had it going on. An attractive guy, aqua blue eyes that get the lady's attention, and a winning smile. Below the neck, he had problems.

Dangle and I have talked about thalidomide as a teratogen that causes birth defects. This was in a similar vein, but he didn't have the characteristic unfinished, flipper-like limbs. He did, however, have two fully formed hands without the benefit of arms, the hands directly attaching to the shoulders. He was talking on his cell phone with one of these awkwardly attached hands and he had a very nice, tasteful watch on the other hand. Since he had no arm or wrist at all, the watch band was awkwardly underneath his thumb and pinky finger. His woes did not end here either.

The proprietor's knees did not bend in the customary way. They were oriented outward instead of forward. As a result, he had a kind of sideways crab-like way of walking. (If you're thinking of Dr. Zoidberg from Futurama right now, you're going to go to Hell) While I'm filling out my paperwork, he comes scooting right by me. I don't consider for a second that he's running the place. This guy looks like a poster child for why weed ought to be legal. Just put his ass on a poster. You don't even have to know what the fuck's wrong with him. A really good looking guy with some extreme irregularities from the neck down, put a caption at the bottom: "Why don't you want me to be able to get my medicine?" You'd get even Nancy Reagan signing a petition to get MMJ passed in more than 13 states.

As he walks by, we exchange polite greetings. He comes over to pick up my paperwork. Handing somebody a clipboard when they have shoulder-hands is difficult to do the first time. Believe it or not, it's just never come up before. I do a good job. I hold the clipboard out to him and let him take it. Potentially awkward situation avoided. I had to wait while the secretary called in my temporary license (to prevent doctoring up forgeries on your PC). While I was waiting, I had a ten minute conversation with the proprietor, who's name escapes me right now (I think those hash oil cookies are kicking in).

I did my clinicals in college in the special education cohort. I wasn't getting a special-ed certification, but it was an opportunity I had due to my high GPA and would look good on a resume. As a result I worked with a lot of kids that had much more serious problems than this guy did. He had a lot of issues physically, but cognitively he was intact. He was comfortable with customers and employees and had a facility with conversation (which I find in people only rarely).

I'm going back there for a few reasons. The cool proprietor is not the least of these reasons. They also had the best weed, reasonably priced, and they give a lot of freebies. Besides, they're right off of the highway and ten minutes from my house. I'll be going back to The Happiness Consultants location #2 again (THC, get it?).

I have to say, people, so far this MMJ thing has a coolness factor somewhere between discovering Santa Claus is real and world peace.