Captains log, stardate 232009.3:

I found a new online Girlfriend and her name is SHELLY DAZZLER! she makes feel like spring flowers with a hint of lemon.  Sometimes i wish i could float on a goat in the sky with her grabbing my thighs.  Her eyes remind of a lonely goat who finally embarked on his journey to conquer the country side and became a legend! I could keep describing her thighs and eyes but i've a got a surprise in store for her.  Im going to ask her to be my valentine! and possibly more!

...to be continued..

End Transsimission.