my well of hatered springs eternal

I hate everyone. while i drive i glare at people i dont even know and fantasize about how to kill them or torture them. mostly it is kill them. torture just seems a bit too extreme to me. i just have an instant disgust for nearly every human being around me. and i dont really view others as human at all. like extras in a movie passing in the background of the film that is entitled "my life". what would happen if you killed an extra? well in the movies nothing happens. they just die. unless that extra was a key to the storyline and drove the story forward, but usually they just disappear. 

I know these other people have feelings, emotions, thoughts, ect. but it just doesnt seem real to me. when will my inhibitions, my self control, fail and allow me to act upon my urges? will my ever flowing disgust and hatred for all ever consume me? will i one day find myself in a bell tower with a high powered rifle picking off so called innocent people because i have had enough? i seem to be subduing these feelings for now.

yeah, this just seems like chatter. would i, right now, go out and just murder someone for the hell of it? no...........but the will to do it is there. whats stopping me? some of you would say god, but that seems extremely far fetched. why stop me and allow thousands of others to go do it without so much as a hitch in their step? morality? that is a relative term. what seems to fall within the realm of moral correctness to me could be entirely different to someone else. fear of punishment/retribution? this seems more likely the best answer. i enjoy my limited freedoms and would not want them limited even more by imprisonment.

i watched a movie a couple months back, Blind i believe it was called, and in it everyone goes blind without obvious reason. except for the main character of course. you wanna know what my first thought was? i could kill whom ever and how many i wanted to kill and no one would know. i would just be thinning the herd. eradicating the wretched leeches of society. and enjoying it the whole time.

now, whos to say i am not one of thoes that deserve to be put down. i dont feel that i am, but that is my opinion. i try to be courteous in public, work hard, be a productive member of society. i find these to be virtuous attributes in a human. striving to make himself, his family, and his civilization better and more efficient. are my virtues misplaced? i think not.

i do feel i am better than most meat bags walkin the street. my brain functions and i dont wait for others to do for me what i can so readily do for myself. maybe that is why anger and hatred never seem to simmer down within my skull. this constant disgust for my fellow humans is a tiring thing. i want it to end, but i dont for see one.

so, if you hear of a mass murder or killing spree just remember: maybe that person isnt a monster, or insane, or without morals. maybe, just maybe he/she was fed up with useless existence and wanted to see what would happen if they killed one of their films extras.....

Uploaded 06/13/2009
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