Mysterious Pissings

Politics, economics, copypasta about murders.  It's time to read a blog about a more serious and mature subject... Let's talk about pee, baby!  I have a couple of questions for all the guys (which is virtually everyone, as there are rarely girls anywhere on the internets outside of facebook) about pissing anomalies.

First off, I've always been led to believe that the darker your piss is, the more garbage and bad stuff floating through your system.  Therefore, the clearer the pee, the healthier you are.  The other night I staggered into the men's room at the bar after several rounds of whiskey.  As I "stood" there leaning over the urinal, one eye open, one hand on the wall the other holding my cock, I looked down and noticed my piss was crystal clear.  Clear as tap water.  Shouldn't my piss be as brown as sewer water by that point?  I had been pumping my body full of delicious Maker's Mark for hours and then the urinal cake gets soaked in Grey Goose?  I am utterly mystified.

Then today, I roll out of bed, scratch my ass, and make my way to the toilet for my morning pee.  I aim at the toilet and then TWO STREAMS OF PISS start shooting out.  What the fuck?!  Please tell me I'm not the only guy this has ever happened to.  It was like one of those fire extinguisher sprinklers you see in ceilings.  One stream was right on target and the other was shooting at a 45 degree angle towards the radiator.  I flipped the fuck out for a few seconds trying to figure out how to correct this sudden (and terrifying) situation.  It's not like I can stop after I had just started... once it's "all systems go" there's no going back.  All I could do is scream a laundry list of profanities and try to desperately avoid soaking anything of value with my unwieldy stream.  After a few seconds of jumping around and screaming, it's like someone flipped a switch and everything was back to normal except for my heart racing at 100 miles an hour.  I was so mad at my dick (normally we're best friends) it ruined my morning. 

Anyone know how to prevent this or am I going to have to start putting garbage bags on the floor just in case it happens again, like it did today, without any warning?  Belive it or not, I was actually toilet trained quite some time ago.  I don't remember it, but I think I was two or something?  So, if there are any girls reading this, note:  we guys know how to aim, we get lots of practice.  But even an expert pisser (as all men are) is no match for the double, or god forbid, the triple stream.

Uploaded 04/26/2010
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