This just in, Barack Obama has just been declared through a poll conducted by the combined efforts of CNN, MSNBC, CBS, ABC and NBC, to be the greatest president ever.
In a statement released through the Associated Press, MSNBC's Keith Olbermann said: "Although people don't actually watch me, I've taken it upon myself to act as this poll's spokesman because "I used to be on ESPN."
Fox News declined comment, but did point out that nearly 2,000 more votes were tabulated in the poll from Minnesota than the state has residents, and that Al Franken voted 13 times.
Olbermann also said that he believes legislation should be in the works soon, whereas it will be required to just call President Obama by his first name, "Barack," just like Cher. "After all, they both are pop stars and that is all that really matters these days," Olbermann said.
In his first official act of duty, President Obama announced that $190 million dollars from the cost of his inaugural might have to be added to the federal deficit. Grilled by Fox News' Bill O'Reilly, Olbermann screamed back at O'Reilly that most of the money for the inaugural was raised by private donations and "you don't know what you are talking about."
Olbermann, after sticking his tongue out at O'Reilly, said the donated money may be returned to help offset former President Bill Clinton's speaking fees for 2009. Clinton could not be reached for comment, as he was last seen slow dancing late Tuesday evening with Barbara Streisand.
Secretary of State designate Hillary Clinton said she was not concerned about her husband's whereabouts because it is "only Wednesday."
Mrs. Clinton also said that she had more important tasks to worry about, such as setting up the first Tea For Tuesday with Iran President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, followed by Wednesday's Weekly Brunch with Venezuela President Hugo Chavez.
Olbermann also told O'Reilly that although the O'Reilly Factor easily defeats his program, "Countdown with Keith Olbermann" in the ratings, he is gaining ground and should catch him by the year 2034. And for the 13th straight day, Olbermann has named O'Reilly as the "Worst Person in the World," and for the 422nd straight day, Barack Obama was selected as the "Best Person in the World."
After the show, Olbermann and O'Reilly were seen laughing as they were catching the movie "Marley and Me" together.
MSNBC also announced on Tuesday that Olbermann's former SportsCenter co-host, Dan Patrick, will join the network in 2010 as a political expert. The network denied it was just a ratings ploy and said that "Dan Patrick knows just as much about politics as Keith Olbermann." Olbermann said he "tears up" every time he thinks about the possibilities.
Obama began his first full day as the 44th President of the United States by playing basketball with LeBron James and then locking Vice President Joe Biden in his office and taking away his cell phone, "for the good of the country."
The President also had to delay his first White House news conference because the teleprompter was on the fritz and his main speech writer was "under the weather" from all of the "celebrating the future of our country" parties from the night before.
Obama also said he was working with Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and the Biography Network about beginning production of former President George W. Bush's biography for the show "Notorious," which would be shown between programs on John Gotti, Adolf Hitler and Ted Bundy. Sean Penn would be the show's narrator.
Obama also released his itinerary for Thursday. He is expected to devote the entire day working to declare the BCS unconstitutional and then work on his plan for a college football playoff system. At the end of the day, Obama will fly LeBron James in to play h-o-r-s-e.
EA Sports also announced on Tuesday that "Madden 2010," would be changed to "Obama 2010" and that Brett Favre, still in his Packers' jersey, will be on the cover.