Oh Brother.....

My boyfriend is the middle child of 3 boys.

  The younger brothers, my bf and his younger brother Brad never got along with their older brother, Jeff.   Jeff was very much the favourite of the 3, so much so that he didn't get in trouble while his younger siblings were physically abused on a regular basis.

   When my boyfriend was 20 him and his older brother Jeff got into a physical altercation, which resulted in Jeff charging my bf with assault.  My boyfriend turned himself in and was slapped with a hefty $2000 fine and a criminal record.   Very soon thereafter my boyfriend moved out of the house and his brother moved to England to be a teacher or some shit.

   Since then my bf mended his relationship with his parents and with his brother for the most part.  They talk on family birthdays and holidays, and send each other the occasional email whenever something new and important happens in each others life.

   About 4 months ago Jeff and his long time girlfriend/ fiance (it was off and on, and hard to keep track of) finally called it quits and broke up, which left Jeff - a very egotistical, body building, shallow ass, douche bag to focus on himself and get more tattoos that he sends pictures of to every one he knows along with a detailed short story regarding the meaning behind the generic tribal "art".   A couple weeks ago he called home to announce his 4th ever marital engagement to a girl he had been dating for a couple months. 

  Of course, since this was his 4th time being engaged, with neither one working out well at all, neither of his family members took him that seriously.  Congratulations and best wishes were made just the same, but we all pretty much knew what was going to happen. 

 Last week he called our house to talk to my bf.   In a corny, fantasy-world fashion he formally asked his brother to not only be at the wedding, but one of his groomsmen.   He offered to pay for our hotel in L.A (where "her" family is from... none of us have ever met "her" but we've heard good things), but told us we had to pay for the plane ticket which "should only be around $300 - $400 a person".   My boyfriend definitely should have got an Oscar for the show he put on.   "Congrats man!  I'd be really cool to go, but I'd have to look into a few things before I can say for sure whether or not I can make it"

 And Jeff said and I'll quote what my bf said he said,  "Like what?  Is Bernie working?  Look on Expedia, it'll be different depending on what airport you leave from...".    He %100 percent forgot that he had charged his brother with assault, and that he had a criminal record because of it.  With a criminal record, you cannot leave the country .... even if he wanted to.   My bf told Jeff about this, and now Jeff expects him to try and get an expedite pardon... which will cost us another $1000 - $2000 to do, if we can get it in time before the wedding - which is this summer.   Then after that we have to get our passports, which also costs a little bit, and take a few weeks to get.

   Why are people so dumb?  Please keep in mind... Jeff is a pompous prick.   I met him last year when he came home to visit his family.   Instead of eating the home cook meal his mother cooked for the occasion, he had 2 boiled potatoes and a piece of celery he weighed on his state of the art digital calorie reading scale.   He spent most of his visit talking about himself and how much he spent on the England souvenirs he brought home as gifts.   The first time I had ever seen him was in a picture he emailed to his parents.  It was him in his underwear flexing his disgusting body building body.... like who the fuck sends half naked pictures of themselves in tighty-whities to their parents?  Jeff... that's who.

  He's so stuck up and unrealistic, we're pretty sure he only wants his brother in his wedding because of some novelty him and his new fiance thought would be nice.  Everything else he does is based on some shallow fantasy standard of perfection he's made to make himself appear better than everyone else.   It's why he signed up for sports ins school, it's why he moved to England to be a teacher, it's dictated the type of people he would date (good looking retards), it's even decided his hobbies... like body building and getting gay tattoos with bullshit "deep meanings" and "intellectual significance".

  So we're not going..... obviously.   But we can't get over the nerve this guy has.   The sad part is, Jeff isn't the only retard out there like this.   It's hard to have any faith in humanity when there's such a false sense of the ability to be "perfect", and people who actually live their lives by it.   It's like the epiphany of media influence replacing social ethics.   It's almost as disgusting as corporate greed vs moral ethics...      

 I know Jeff is going to be really butt-hurt to find out that his beloved brother cannot make it to his picture perfect wedding.   It may even prevent us from making the Christmas text message mail merge list.    I'm really glad that my bf isn't as dumb, and realizes that we need to buy a car much more than we need to buy a plane ticket to the asshole of the earth (no offense to our neighbors to the South... please don't let my opinion change the way you feel about all Canadians... we don't all hate you.. that bad) .   
Uploaded 01/16/2011
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