Parents, This is Why You Do Not Buy Your Kid a Phone.

I stopped at a gas station to get a pack, and then climbing back into my pick up truck, I look down at my phone and see I have a missed call.  It's my buddy from college, Tommy, who I haven't talked to in over a year.  Last I had heard he was playing on a cruise ship somewhere in the Mediterranean.  I figured it must be important, so I call him back.  Instead of getting Tommy, a woman answers and she sounds royally pissed... I can tell by the tone in her voice.  The conversation went a little something like this:

Her:  Hello?

Me: (Realizing it's not Tommy) Uhhh, hey... I had a missed call from this number?

Her:  Yes, I want to know who you are and why you are sending naked pictures to my son!!!

Me: .............. what?!  (I'm guessing Tommy lives with his Mom now? wtf?)

Her:  Someone from this number sent a picture of a naked woman to my 13 year old son! It was VERY OFFENSIVE! (Okay, it's not Tommy's mom)

Me:  Woah woah woah lady! Back the fuck up!  I don't know who you think you're talking to and I have no idea who the hell you are, or how you got my number, but I did not send anything at all, much less pornography, to your stupid fucking kid.

Her:  Well, it came from this number, and it was a picture of a woman's (she hesitates, and her voice lowers to a whisper) breasts... (full volume now) and it had the words GO CATS! written on her chest!



Suddenly it dawns on me what happened.  A little over a month ago during March Madness, I sent a picture to all of my old UK friends.

Here's a link to the pic:




Tommy must have a new phone number now.  Shit.  I hadn't thought about it before, since it had been several weeks ago.

Well, at this point I can't very well go back and apologize after telling this lady to "back the fuck up!"  So... I keep on going with my now feigned, formerly legit, outrage....



Me:  Look here! .... Uh, Mom! ... You have no idea what you're talking about!  I don't give two shits about your 13 year old, and I don't appreciate some stranger calling me and accusing me of being a pervert!

Her:  Well!  Don't ever call this number again!

Me:  What the fuck?!  Earth to dumb bitch!  YOU called ME!  Don't YOU ever call ME again!




Moral of the story: 13 year olds should not own cell phones... unless you're a cool enough of a parent to let your teenage kid see a damn titty every once in a while with out flipping the fuck out.





Uploaded 04/13/2010
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