*DOG DIARY *
 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
 12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
 1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
 3:00 PM - Rode in the car! My favorite thing!
 5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
 7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
 8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite
>thing!
 11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


 *CAT DIARY *
>Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me
with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while
the other inmates
and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I
make my contempt
for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat
something in order
to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going
is my dream of
 escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I occasionally vomit on the
 carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending
comments about what
 a 'good little hunter' I am.
 There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices
tonight. I was placed
in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
 However, I could hear
 the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to
 the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to
> my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate
 one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I
must try this
again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
 I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies
and snitches. The
 dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released -
 and seems to be
 more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.